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Sex + Relationships

The Pain of Red Flags & Choosing Ourselves

Have you ever been so stressed to the point where you feel like you’re breaking apart at the seams? Like everything is just piling up one after another, whether it’s finals,work, or just school in general. Then you add on the stress of a significant other to  keep  them happy while you’re struggling to even keep yourself above the water. It has happened to me too, so you’re not alone. 

Maybe your significant other had some qualities you loved, like them wanting to be with you all the time or them wanting to talk to you all the time, but now you feel like you’re being suffocated. You feel like you’re arguing all the time because you’re not giving them enough attention, or you’re always focused on something else, or maybe you just haven’t responded for an hour because you were busy. All those green flags slowly begin to turn red. All those qualities you loved became qualities you couldn’t stand. 

It’s not that you’ve fallen out of love with your SO, or that you hate them, but you feel like you’re drowning and like all the air inside your lungs isn’t really air at all, it’s water. The pressure on your chest is slowly getting heavier as the weight of your SO’s expectations continue to hurt you. It’s hard and it’s painful. You really don’t even realize the pressure is there until your chest feels ready to break. 

It hurts to be so stressed out with everything in your life at once, with the fear of not being good enough added on. Your significant other is supposed to help with that, by making sure you know you have someone there, in your corner. Your partner is supposed to be there as a rock and a shoulder to cry on, definitely NOT another expectation being added to the list. 

Now that’s NOT to say that if you have so much on your plate you can’t give your significant other any attention at all, it’s okay. Because it’s not. As much as they’re supposed to be there for you during a stressful time, you can’t depend on them all the time. But if they’re demanding every bit of your attention and time when they know you already have so much on your plate, that’s a major red flag. 

We all know how red flags work, right? When one pops up, so do another three and so on and so forth. Maybe it’s not always the case, but for the most part, it is. The best thing to do when you’re in a situation where you’re starting to see the red flags pop up is to leave. Get out of there as quick as you can because it’ll hurt you more the longer you stay. Your happiness is the most important thing in any situation. 

Your mental health is important, your happiness is important, YOU are important. You have to let yourself relax and be calm. You need to take care of yourself. Get rid of the unnecessary hurt and stress and pressure on your chest. 

Start by letting go of the person that doesn’t care enough about what you’re going through. Then start letting go of the other unnecessary stresses.

You’re worried about your partner and the arguments they’re trying to cause? Let them go and be at peace with the fact you guys won’t make each other happy at this point. 

You’re worried about the future? Remind yourself that it’s not the future yet. You can only take it one step at a time or you’re going to get overwhelmed. 

You’re worried about failing a final? Study and talk to friends about getting together in a study group, or getting a tutor. 
There are so many solutions to every problem. Sometimes, we don’t realize them though because of how panicked we are as we go through the experience. But the red flags you see in your SO are something you can’t ignore until it goes away because it doesn’t go away. It’ll keep hurting you until all you remember how to feel is hurt. Put yourself first and I promise you, you’ll always be happier.

Melissa is a freshman studying Social Entrepreneurship at Lynn University as a part of the Watson Institute. She loves to read, write, and listen to music. Her passion is helping people live better lives than they thought they would be able to. She would like to help others change their paths, as well as spread awareness about the severity of certain issues, like mental health. Her dream is to own her own businesses with a focus on resolving social issues, her mission area being human rights. She is extremely ambitious and determined to make it far. She's always ready to learn new things because she believes knowledge and wisdom are the greatest powers to possess.
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