Sharan Hildebrand, Senior Vice President of Sales and Strategy at Capax Global, still seems uncomfortable about that day. It was nearly 25 years ago. She was selling computer systems to golf courses and country clubs, when she had an older male customer take interest in her startup company.
“He was a great customer, older gentleman, very wealthy, and I know how he came about his wealth. He worked hard; rags to riches story,” said Hildebrand, who was just starting out in the technology industry. “I really admired him as business savvy. At breakfast one morning…he said ‘How much money do you want?’ I never even thought about asking him for money!”.
Hildebrand said that after investing in her company, things between them quickly changed as he felt the money gave him the privilege to cross the line with her.
“I was never attacked, but he would force kisses on me, became very touchy,” she said. “The Sharan today would write a check back… but back then I was in my mid twenties. I didn’t feel like I had anywhere to turn; I was embarrassed and ashamed and I still felt like I had to work ten hours a day for him at his golf course. He crossed the line a year and half later; it was a hotel situation–got naked and I said I was done.”
According to a recent study done by Stop Street Harassment, a nonprofit dedicated to ending street harassment, 38 percent of women have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace.
Hildebrand was one of them.
“We have to start somewhere.” Hildebrand said. “I’d like to see us start with opportunities for women to have a voice and not be criticized or discounted. There are women out there who see how these folks who raise their hand and weren’t afraid to call their accusers out and how they were treated. That might make them run and hide a little bit more.”
Over a year ago, the eruptive reports on former film producer, Harvey Weisntein’s alleged sexual abuse of multiple women, started a national conversation on sexual assault, especially in one’s place of work.
In the last year, an array of sexual assault and harassment survivors have taken to the media to share their stories. The large quantities of women that came forward, in the #MeToo movement and after, indicates there is a problem that extends across industries.
As our world confronts the issue of sexual assault in the workplace, survivors across platforms have come forward to share their stories and the stories of those around them. Hildebrand was one person who spoke out, years later.
However, peeling back years of harassment reveals not only the act itself, but also the systems in place that kept so many truths from surfacing.
Deidre Durkan, a 22-year-old recent college graduate who works in the entertainment industry, said she finally understands why people don’t report.
“Imagine getting to the top level of your career and enduring a form of conduct that left you hurt and humiliated,” Durkan said. “The female staffer he [Matt Lauer] harassed said she was afraid to lose her job, even after 15 years working for NBC. At this point there isn’t a reporting system that allows someone to report allegations without being victimized.”
In recent news, it has become evident that people are scared to speak out in fear of harsh ridicule, due to the systems in place.
But, sexual advances do not always come in the form of aggressive behaviors and physical touching. Harassment can start with patterns as simple as joking in a flirtatious manner.
Patty Lamberti, a professor at Loyola University Chicago, teaches a class on critical issues in journalism–including sexual assault and the struggle of power in the workplace.
“What I experienced a whole lot personally was men saying inappropriate things. I give the example…where somebody dropped a pencil, I went to pick it up… and he was like ‘while you’re down there,’” Lamberti said. “There was a lot of jocular and inappropriate comments. I saw a lot of… women and men playing the flirting game. I saw those women getting some career advantages that other people who weren’t playing the flirting game didn’t get.”
Flirting to get ahead at work is not a new concept. But, in today’s society, there are questions that one must ask before taking those steps with a colleague.
Is such behavior acceptable in an office environment?
In a New York Times article The Workplace: Flirting in the office can mean trouble if colleagues are offended, “Bob Kustka, president of the consulting firm Fusion Factor, says that while it is perfectly reasonable for employees to gravitate toward those they see most often, there is plenty of time for them to fraternize outside the office. ‘If your colleague wants to pick someone up, that person probably should do it on his own time.’”
Can someone lose their job for flirting at work?
According to the Times article “Heather Brock, a lawyer in Tampa, Florida, said that companies in some states might be required to start a sexual harassment investigation the moment an employee complains about the situation to a boss or to human resources.”
More often than not, the jocular communication and flirting goes unnoticed until it becomes repetitive. In response to the recent allegations in the media, people are continuing to speak out against sexual harassment. Many men and women are starting to realize the actions that they once deemed playful can be harmful towards others.
Hildebrand said that a colleague of hers recently spoke to her about how in light of the recent events in the media, he now recognizes his previous behavior towards her could be seen as inappropriate. Although the two had been close colleagues for years, she still had to brush off his facetious advances .
“The programs and platforms that #MeToo has fostered have been amazing. It needs to become more concrete,” she said. “We need safe places and we need stories of women who are trying to pull their sisters up and along and make them feel safe. From a business standpoint we need companies to take it more seriously.”