In many ways, I love being a girl, but sometimes it’s hard to love the body you’re born in when all the cards are stacked against you. Your guard is up and every shift in the shadows makes you more and more paranoid while you walk alone at night. Every curve you have gets degraded by catcalls and the constant stream of sexual comments from people around you who don’t see a problem with it because it’s supposed to be taken as a compliment. Guys make jokes about how girls go to the bathroom together, when reality is that from a very young age, girls are taught to stick together in groups. If they don’t, the wrong person could get them alone and that’s the end of the story for her. Little girls are taught that “if he’s mean he just likes you,” so they fall into emotionally abusive relations over and over again because that’s what we’re taught love looks like.
From the very beginning, girls are told to be scared of men, whether everyone wants to admit it or not. My chapter of Her Campus held an event where we asked girls to write their favorite thing about being a woman, and I was ashamed of how long it took me to think of something to write down. After watching many girls come up and pause a little too long to think of something, my heart sunk because self-love isn’t something we were taught. It’s something we forced ourselves to learn over time.
One time when I was younger my mother said, “Your eyes are so pretty in the sunlight.” To which I responded, “I know!” This made her agitated. “You can’t say that or else no one will want to compliment you!”, and maybe I did come off as a cocky ten-year-old. However, what I took from that was to accept compliments but never take them to mean anything. The hit song of middle school “That’s What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction, is all about the best thing about a girl was her insecurity. Girls would sing/scream that song in the hallway (me included), and for a long time, that mindset made me think that I had to be shy and soft in order to be wanted. It never really worked through, instead, I felt half-heard and overlooked.
This article is for every time younger me felt silenced and scared to be too loud, or for when my confidence got snubbed. I don’t want to be scared anymore or feel less so that way someone else can feel more important. This is a reminder that women’s sexuality isn’t a ploy to trick men, but a sense of pride for yourself. You can be pretty, even if you’re the one to tell yourself that. You can do great things, especially without letting someone else look down on you.