While in a relationship, you sometimes feel obligated to make your partner happy even if that means doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. This article is here to help you feel comfortable with the concept of consent and boundaries. Everyone has different levels of comfort when it comes to physical touch, and it’s perfectly okay to be different!
Remember, saying no doesn’t make you a prude, it makes you a person! If your partner reaches to hold your hand, and you’re not ready for that, then that’s alright. Don’t be scared that your partner will judge you. If they really like you, then they should be more than happy to make sure you feel safe around them. It’s a lot more reassuring (and very cute) to hear “Is this okay?” than for them to assume it’s acceptable to do whatever they want with your body, simply because you two are together.
If your partner tries to guilt you into doing something that you’re not ready for, that is a red flag, and you should get out of that relationship.
Consensual red flags include:
- Ignoring the word “no”
- Not letting you speak up when uncomfortable
- Invalidating your lack of consent
- Refusing to communicate when something is wrong
- Refusing to communicate at all
Relationships move at the pace of the participants, and understanding one pace may be slower than the other is all part of communication- the most important part of any connection.
That being said, if all participants are ready for whatever step they want to be next, then go for it. Don’t feel ashamed if you’re confident in what you want and the other person wants that too. Maybe yesterday you told your partner you weren’t ready for something, but today you feel ready for this particular course of action. If you wake up and decide you’re not ready for something you already agreed to, just speak up. It isn’t “going back on what you said,” it’s simply changing your mind. Nothing is set in stone!
Whether you embody sexual liberation or you thrive off of baby steps, you do you, but make sure you’re clear with your partner what “no” means!