Dating is weird because it either ends in marriage or breaking up. I am friends with almost all of my exes. Whenever anyone hears this statement they freak out, which is understandable. However, I have a habit of falling for friends, so I would have lost out on several great friendships if I wasn’t friends with exes. It’s confusing and takes some work, but don’t all friendships? Here I’ve laid out all my best advice and things to consider before becoming friends with your exes.
Should You Be Friends with Your Ex?
It may seem obvious, but the first thing you should ask yourself is if you want to be friends with your ex. Take this time to reflect on why you broke up. You had a reason for breaking up: consider that before deciding to become friends! If your romantic relationship was toxic, there’s no guarantee that a platonic relationship will be any better. If you believe that you’re going to hold a grudge over why you broke up, the basis for your friendship will start out unhealthy. The best candidates for ex-friendship are those who were friends first or are breaking up for more of logistical reasons than for lack of a common interest. Also, consider why you want to be friends. If you’re secretly hoping to get back together, this probably isn’t the best route. If you simply miss hanging out and talking to this person, you’re probably in it for the right reasons.
Have A Cool-Down Period
Having a cool-down period is the best advice I’ve ever received, but also the hardest to carry out. Cut off all communication for a little bit. Depending on your relationship, this can be anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple years. You’ll know when it’s been enough time. It’s hard not speaking to someone who you’ve become accustomed to speaking to everyday. I’m a sentimentalist, so I never delete texts, including conversations with my ex. I reach out to other friends, that way their name is no longer on the screen when I open the Messages App. Devote this time to strengthening all your already existing friendships! I also write down in my notes when I think of something I want to text them, that way I get it out of my system but don’t the break no-contact rule.
Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!
Make sure that you’re on the same page. Just because you’re ready, doesn’t mean that your ex is. They might need more time before jumping into things, especially if you’re the one who ended the relationship. Make sure that you are both ready to re-shape your relationship, that there’s no bad blood, and that this friendship is going to be mutually beneficial.
Start Small
Sure, you may have gone on vacation together while you were dating, but this a whole new dynamic! Start small with coffee or ice cream and work your way back up. This way, you aren’t stuck with the other person for a long period of time in case things get too awkward.
Be There for Them
You’re friends now, so it’s time to act like it! Make sure that your actions within in this friendship are in their best interest and not in a sly attempt to get back together with them.
It’s okay not to be friends with your ex, like I said before I’m not friends with all of mine, but also ex-friendships are great because they can give great advice because they already know so much about you.