By Olivia Tindall
We all like romantic gestures and being swept into that sweet honeymoon phase, but what if all
of those excessive kisses, compliments and gifts are received by someone that you met literally
two days ago? How do you make sense of that? Does life really follow the plot of a Romance
Drama? Do intense connections develop that quickly?
It’s really hard to look at your current relationship from a practical standpoint when you’re being
sling-shotted into “emotion-mind” because of your partner’s behavior, so red flags such as tactics
of love bombing might fly right over your head. (Emotion-mind is a term therapists like to use to
refer to when you are not in a prudent or practical headspace, and you’re using your emotions to
guide your decisions, which isn’t always a good thing.)
If you have commitment issues, or are someone who normally likes to move at a slow pace with
people, you may just run away from this initial behavior of love bombing. And to that, I would
probably say, good on you! But, as someone whose love language is physical touch, I am easily
swept off of my feet with public, and/or excessive, displays of affection. And if you also have this
characteristic, this article may be extremely helpful for you in the present or future.
I recently met someone on Hinge who seemingly embodied the perfect, most romantic image of
a boyfriend. He gave me gifts, bought me expensive meals, wanted to hang out with me every
single second of the day, and when we weren’t together, he would text and FaceTime me all the
time. But all of these behaviors manifested within the first week of our meeting. Our first date was
initially at a coffee shop, but it turned into an over 24-hour adventure. Bizarre and thrilling at the
same time.
If you’re ever feeling bombarded with love and affection with someone you just met, it’s
important to have a well-developed love-bombing radar. How do you know for sure if this love
and affection are coming from a genuine place, or if it’s a form of love bombing?
Just to be clear, love-bombing is a form of power play and manipulation. It is a tactic many
people use to gain power in a relationship and manipulate their partner into falling for them at a
fast pace. “It’s when an individual idealizes their partner and barrages them in intense ‘all good’
love and affection” says Jessica January Behr, PsyD, director at Behr Psychology in New York. 1
This type of behavior is also often linked to narcissism:
“This is a learned pattern of behavior, where the narcissist’s self-worth is so low that they
overcompensate with love bombing so they can receive the reciprocated love and affection they
need to maintain their self-worth.” Behr explains.
Want to avoid dating a narcissistic person?
Look out for these 5 signs:
- If he confesses his feelings on the first date.
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If you two had just met that day, saying “I really like you,” “I love you,” or “I have feelings for
you” may be a red flag. If you hear this or a variation of this with a first date, be cautious. How
can you develop deep feelings for someone you met that day? Thinking realistically here. - If he wants to hang out all the time. And I mean ALL the time.
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Let’s say you really hit it off with someone, and you had a great first hang out. Then, he texts you
right after he drops you off. Then, he asks you to hang out just a couple of hours later or makes a
plan with you for the next day. Then, the next thing you know, you realize you haven’t spent the
night in your own bed in two weeks. This isn’t normal, and while it can be exciting, it can cause
you to forget to prioritize your friends, school, or time just for yourself. Balance is key, and
love-bombing does not promote balance at all. - If he does aggressive PDA with you, and you aren’t even close to dating yet.
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If you notice that he’s really touchy with you in public, in front of his friends, or just overall, and
you’ve only been on a couple dates… red flag! - Excessive compliments and communication.
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If you feel like you’re receiving too many declarations of love and compliments too early on, this
may be a sign you’re being love bombed. Love bombers often make false promises, call you
their soulmate, or just make you feel… almost too special. - If it just feels too good to be true.
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Trust your gut. If you keep thinking to yourself that this person feels too good to be true because
they seem so perfect that it almost feels like a dream, this should be a sign to you that it is too
good to be true. If something feels off, call it off.