By Esmeralda Ronis
Let me start this off by saying I am not a psychologist, I am not a doctor, and I am not a scientist. I can not tell you scientifically or medically how to get over a breakup. However, as a nineteen year old girl I have gone through my fair share of breakups (maybe a few more then I would like to admit)…including my most recent one a month ago. I wanted to write exactly what helped me (and didn’t) while going through breakups, and hopefully it can help someone else get over what can seem like the end of the world at the time. Here we go, in 5 steps, How To Get Over a Breakup:
Step One: Stop Blowing Up His Phone!
I know this feels like the instinctual first thing to do when a guy breaks up with you or you break up with a guy but for many reasons it’s a bad idea. I think we tend to forget, as girls, that guys go through a lot when relationships end also and the reason they might ignore your phone calls is they are processing everything, so let them process! They will talk to you if and when they are ready. Also, people tend to try to be friends right after the relationship ends and wounds are still not healed. Give it time before trying to be friends with an ex! Let wounds heal, and don’t talk for however long you both feel you need, and then be friends. One of my ex’s is my best friends and we didn’t talk for a year when we broke up!
Step Two: Organize your Space!
This sounds like a small step but I found can really help, especially if you were living together. Since my ex and I were living together, I completely reorganized our apartment to make it look like a new apartment and that helped a lot in my ability to get over the breakup. A breakup in general signifies a new beginning so you want to get rid of any painful memory triggers. If you have all types of things around you that remind you of your ex- of course you are never going to get over him. Remove all of the things that make your heart ache. It works wonders to remove your space of those kinds of triggers.
Step Three: Don’t Scheme to Get Him Back- Scheme To Get Yourself Back
This is something I think everyone who has been in a serious relationship young is guilty of- forgetting about ourselves and only worrying and wanting our ex. Stop going through his Instagram and worrying what he’s doing. Take time for yourself. Be a little selfish. Start doing things you love again and if you have forgotten what you love, start a new hobby. I joined HerCampus! Stop spending time trying to get him back, if you are meant to be together honestly you will be, but in my experience if you have to scheme to get him to be with you you probably shouldn’t be together. Focus on yourself and stop blaming yourself for the breakup-because I have been there and it’s not your fault!
Step Four: Reach Out To Friends and Family!
During every breakup, I have had my family and especially my friends have been there for me, and if they are not there for you, they are not true friends. When you feel like crying by yourself for the hundredth time, call a friend, and talk. Everyone has gone through at least one heartbreak and what I have learned is it’s interesting to hear everyone’s take on heartbreak and to hear others stories of heartbreak is comforting. It reminds you that this sucks but yes is something normal that everybody goes through in their life. Your family will always be on your side, if your ex was also friends with your friends. Your family will always listen and if you can’t physically go to them because they are across the country- make a Facetime date with your family! It will give you something to look forward to and in this period of moving on- just keep making things to look forward to!
Step 5: Just Keep Going!
The best advice I have gotten while going through a breakup is to just keep going. Don’t dwell on the past. It’s okay to cry but don’t cry all day;keep moving! Don’t miss classes and don’t sleep in all day. I have done it and believe me, it’s not worth it. The easiest breakup for me was this time when I kept moving. I joined a club, I got a dog, I rearranged my apartment, I got a journal, I started to meditate, I focused on me. That is the most important thing. Focus on yourself and stay busy with yourself and your friends and family. Go to lunch, Go to the beach, Go Shopping, Treat Yourself And who knows? Maybe it will be easier than you think to let him go when you are having so much fun.