It just so happens that both of your Lehigh campus correspondents are in long distance relationships. Alex met her boyfriend when she was 17 on a backpacking trip to Southern Europe. She has dealt with the struggles of a long distance relationship for over a year now; he lives in New York City and she lived in Chicago. Kara is still dating her high school boyfriend of two years, and he is a year older. He went to college 984 miles away, and she was left behind in their hometown. They are still together, while she is a freshman at Lehigh and he is a sophomore at The University of Notre Dame. So here is some advice that the two of us have for you:
Learn To Pick Your Battles
Fights are the number one way to weaken a relationship. When you do not have the ability to talk it out in person, it is hard to completely resolve the issue and often takes longer. Let little issues go. Before you call him out, ask yourself, “Is it really worth it”? When something is bothering you, let him know that you want to talk, and set up a time to video chat or talk on the phone. This way you can figure out what exactly you want to say, and think about it ahead of time. This will help you calm down, and avoid a rant. Never explain the issue or start a fight via text. It is almost impossible to detect emotions via text message, so you are better off waiting to talk it out.
Have Some Faith
Ladies, be confident in your man. If you are giving the long distance relationship a shot, you have to have TRUST. The minute either one of you loses faith in the other, the relationship starts to go downhill very quickly. If there is ever a doubt in your mind that he is cheating, end it. If you do not trust him then you should not be doing a long distance relationship in the first place.
Go Ahead, Tell That Little White Lie
I am all about being honest in a relationship, but there are times when your significant other does not need to know every little detail about your day. If your boyfriend is the jealous type, it’s okay to leave out the fact that a guy helped you with your calculus homework. It’s also okay not to tell him about that older boy who hit on you the other night at a frat party. These little things will only cause him to get upset, which will lead to a potential fight over nothing.
Don’t Let The Haters Hate
People will always judge and question your relationship. If you let what other people say influence your thoughts it will ruin it. If you trust your guy and you are happy, that’s all that matters.
Do Not Dwell On The Distance
If you constantly sulk and worry about being apart, your negativity will put a strain on the relationship. You have to accept it and move on. Be excited for Skype dates and phone calls. Stay positive. It is easy to get upset those first couple of weeks, but everything will work out and time goes by faster than you think. DO NOT count down the days until you see him. Starting out with a huge number of days will not make you feel better, it will only make matters worse. This will make him feel pressured, and will drive you insane. Instead, think about big milestones such as, “One week until I see you!”
Everyone Loves A Surprise
Keep the relationship exciting. If he’s had a bad day, surprise him by sending him a cookie bouquet. (Like we just did!) Send him a love letter in the mail, one of your expertly mixed CDs, or the best surprise of all: you. Surprises are an easy way to keep the relationship fun and keep him on his toes.
It’s important to keep in mind that every relationship is different, and what works for some couples won’t always work for you. Never let your relationship inhibit you from meeting new people, trying new things, or having fun. College is the time to figure out who you are, and while it is comforting to have a significant other, try to embrace your independence and stay true to yourself.