Cambridge, New York, London, Zermatt, Paris, Stockholm, York, and Manchester. These are the places I visited during my exchange year as well as where I will be going for a trip this spring vacation. I posted lovely photos on my Instagram and showed them to my friends, however, that was only the good side of my time during the exchange year. The reality was different. I was struggling very hard the months prior.
It had been a week since I arrived at Leeds. I was enjoying and exploring the city. Sadly, my happiness did not last very long. My mother told me, “Our pretty Love went to heaven.” Love was my first dog. She had a heart-shaped mark on her back; hence her name. She was like the wind of spring. She enveloped my family with a warm and comfortable atmosphere. She was a sunshine to us. In her last month, she was suffering due to her heart disease. I could do nothing for her but to stay with her from afar. I cried a lot when I heard the news and even regretted coming here. “I should not have come here. I should have stayed with my family.” I thought. I did not have the energy to go out and chose to stay in my dormitory all day, simply crying to myself. I really wanted to go home as soon as possible. I needed my family to stay by my side since it was the first time losing a family member. My mother and I called each other up every night for a week. She told me on the phone: “It’s okay not to be okay. Human carries pains. That’s just how life should be.”, hearing our words I cried even more. I wasn’t sure if I could bear such an amount of pain that fell upon my life.
After two months, I started feeling a little better. I decided to be a more social person once again. While speaking in my native language, which is, Japanese, I am an extroverted person who attempts to talk to strangers. But speaking in English makes me introverted. Even though I feel confident speaking in English and am used to it; I could not feel very open in Leeds. It was a really hard time for me to get over the loneliness. Being a single child in my family, I am good at being alone, but here, I needed somebody to be with me. Spending a lot of time crying, I was unsure whether I could make a friend. I was nervous. My friends who are in Japan encouraged me a lot. They called me often and took care of me. They told me, “You’re doing fine. You’re fine just as you are. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.”, their words finally helped me regain confidence in myself.
In December, I went to a Japanese social event, and I promised myself that I would not make any Japanese friends here in Leeds. I tried to be as social as possible and ended up meeting a girl who was of mixed ethnicity, Japanese and British. I learnt that we share the same music taste, and quite promptly, we became close friends. She has beautiful brown eyes and a pretty British accent. I was happy that I finally made a friend here. I visited my roommate’s parents’ house which is in Cambridge during Christmas. My roommate and her family are really sweet and nice people. They welcomed me so much that I felt like home. My roommate and I got along a lot and often went on night or morning walks. Soon after, I left Cambridge, I travelled to New York. There I met a Korean girl who is now my best friend. She and I became friends in no time due to our shared interests in various things. She always laughed at the jokes I made. We talked about so many things, even though we met a few days ago. We promised to see each other in December, at Seoul. I’m excited to see her again.
I was depressed during my first few months in Leeds, but now, I am proud of myself that I decided to come here and study what I always wanted to study. Going to places that I wanted to go and doing things that I dreamed about. I’m so grateful for being the main character of my life, and of course, I appreciate my parents and my family who allowed me to experience these amazing things. I’m doing well now. If my life becomes harsh to me, I will tell myself: “I’m not alone. I have so many people who love me.” That’s a magic spell that makes me feel I can do everything.
Written By: Yuna Kato
Edited By: Adrita Barua