Stuck in the world of size zero models with 30DD chests, I’m usually faced with some wannabe WAG on the bus stands on my walk into town. When I go into a club, I’m face to face with a shots girl with shorts the size of my knickers.
It’s almost inevitable that sex sells.
However, up until my trip through the Merrion centre, I had never related this to men.
Naïve, I know.
It’s a hot day, and I have just returned to Leeds. Walking from the train station to Hyde Park is a somewhat ambitious hike, equipped with months worth of clothes, but the heat has deluded my brain into thinking I have biceps.
Before I know it, I’m in the sacred shade of the Merrion centre. The smell of the carvery is both enticing and teasing, and for a brief moment, my concentration falters. This is all it takes. In that fatal moment of distraction, I am pounced on by a salesman.
Now, let us discuss the salesman.
He’s tanned in an ‘I workout in the great outdoors’ rather than ‘my money is spent sweating on a sunbed’ way. His eyes are a light blue, his teeth are pearly white and he smells almost edible.
I tell you, it’s not often Britain gets sunshine. It messes with my brain.
Before I know it, lovely salesman Scott is asking for my name, am I a student? Do I like watching movies? I’m hoping for potential date material. He’s hoping for my bank details. Which I give him, as soon as he asks. You want my home address? You want my bank details? Is there anything else I can give you? I’d like to add, on usual days (cold weather) I’m sensible with my bank security, I wouldn’t dream of handing someone my debit card. On this hot summery day, I disregarded that my bank balance is so very close to the red, I coincidentally forgot that I hate watching films and salesman Scott signed me up to an online, DVD rental.
Salesman Scott, I hope you’re happy. Not only am I spending my life watching old school TV programmes (remember Charmed?) but I am not spending any of my time revising or going to the gym.
Salesman Scott, when I’m fat and failing, I have your beautiful tanned body to blame.
Anonymous
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