The Christmas holidays are finally upon us! For those of you like myself who have stuck out the whole three months without venturing back to the comfort (and cleanliness) of your parents’ humble abode, the idea of returning home to a full fridge is indisputably the best thing since sliced bread. For some of you lucky souls, the full fridge, clean house and watching TV legally takes a backseat as the Christmas holidays allows you to be reunited with the warm embrace of your other half.
Many of you will have started University this September and have managed to hold down a long distance relationship for the past three months, and to you, I offer my condolences.
Returning home and expecting a reunion with your boyfriend can only lead you to new levels of disappointment. The past three months have been ridiculously long and frustrating on your behalf (all innuendos intended), and you’ve conjured up an idealistic image of what your boyfriend is like from a sheer disillusion from being in a constant state of intoxication. You ‘remember’ his attentiveness, his smile, his cuteness and most importantly, how hot he is.
Realistically, you’re both students. Suddenly, all romance and acts of chivalry are indeed, dead. You’ve both become victim to the inevitable overdraft, and he’s decided to use you as his personal ATM. Before you know it, you’ve paid for your own Christmas presents, you can no longer pay your rent and he seems all cosy in his brand new Christmas jumper that you’ve kindly (foolishly) given him for being such a great boyfriend.
Then we address the ‘hot’ body you’ve treasured for so many years. The student diet, let’s face it, does nobody any favours. Three months of living off tinned meats, pot noodles and take-outs have given him a bit of Christmas podge, which will keep us extra warm at night, but his new spotty skin will not. At the point where there’s more oil on his back than there is on your fry-up, it’s time to call it a day.
Of course, I could be jealous that you have someone to come home to at night, to pick you up in the rain and to spend a cosy Christmas with. I could be, but I’m not. Call me cynical, but when you find out he’s been cheating on you the whole time he’s been at Uni, you might regret buying him a Kindle for Christmas. We both know that money could have been spent on cake and vodka, two things we cherish most in our lives.
Merry Christmas to all you loved up couples! My cats and I will be thinking of you.
Anonymous
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