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How to deal with a Break-up

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Leeds chapter.

How are you supposed to deal with a break-up? The question that is on everyone’s lips as soon as their significant other calls it quits. But just how difficult is it? According to a recent poll, conducted by Your Tango, a whopping 71% of both male and female think about their ex’s too much. Unsurprisingly this effects their chances of meeting a new love. So just how hard is it to get over a break-up?

The myth says that it will take half the time you were together to get over your ex-partner, but what if that doesn’t work for everyone? Surely it can’t. Different relationships and different circumstances make the grieving process (if it can be called that?) unique to your situation.

In today’s world of social media with your ex literally a click away; not to mention the constant updates of your ex looking fabulous on your newsfeed in the game of ‘who’s over who’, how are you really supposed to gain closure and move on?

Okay, so I don’t have all the answers but recently a close friend of mine went through a pretty tough break up and helping her through it I’ve seen, what could be, some of the better ways to deal with a break up!

  1. Watch out for social media!

Okay, so it’s definitely easier said than done, don’t go on his profile, don’t re-read the last message you sent her; but what about the unprepared post? The check-in she makes at ‘your’ favourite place to have a drink, or the album he uploads of the weekend away with his friends. How do you deal with that when you innocently open up your social media and are bombarded with your ex’s latest post? The obvious answer,  one quite a few opt for, is of course, delete him/her. Sometime it’s not that simple and of course some break ups don’t end that bad that you’d want to permanently remove them from your life entirely. So if that’s not your option, how about opting to unfollow their posts. It’s possible, it’s unknown by them, and it means you’re still ‘friends’. However, this time when you resist the temptation of that quick check up on him/her, you’re not faced with everything they’re doing right on your home page.

2. Keep busy!

Whatever you do decide to do, make sure you do not stop doing your everyday activities. Go to work, go to the gym, hang out with your friends; even start something new! A class you’ve always wanted to go to, or a club you’ve been dying to join but never got round it. Keep living your life and you’ll be surprised how things eventually (though perhaps it may take a while) start to change. It’s amazing how many people just lose the motivation for life when they are initially faced with things like this, but if you want to move on you’ve got to carry on moving with life because the sad truth is the world doesn’t stop for you.

  1. Talk to your friends/family!

This one might seem obvious but a lot of people feel that they can’t talk to their friends and family or they aren’t really interested in hearing their problems. Boys especially tend to have trouble with voicing their feelings and so might try skip past this one. I’m not saying pour your heart out to your friends and family every time you see them but a good chat of how you’re doing, even a little cry can actually do a great deal. We all need support especially in difficult times, so keep your relationships with your friends and family tight and know that they’ll always have your back!

  1. Treat yourself

This one might be a little bit more for the girls, but boys I’m sure you’ve been eyeing up something you might like. Whether it’s the latest gym shoes or some new game, both sexes can benefit! Retail therapy is a thing! If it really isn’t your thing, go get food, treat yourself to that stack of all you can eat pancakes you’ve been avoiding to get that ‘dream’ bod; after all we all need a cheat meal now and again! I’m not saying over indulge, (in both retail and food), but treating yourself every now and then is healthy and can certainly turn a dull day into a brighter one if you’re having a wobble!

  1. Avoid the rebound!

Okay, this last one might strike a bit of controversy because we’re all familiar with the term ‘to get over someone you need to get under someone’, and to be honest it may actually really help some people. But if you’ve just come out of a pretty big relationship the last thing you want to do is get straight with the first person you see, (especially if it’s someone who is in your life a lot!). I’m not saying never go out or look at another boy/girl for the rest of time. What I am saying is that if something is rushed and not quite right it can lead to feelings of regret because they’re still hung up on their ex. Go out, meet new people, and if it feels right, go for it, but don’t just jump on the first person you see as a means of solving all your problems because if that’s your reasoning, it probably won’t. The rebound also means getting into new relationships straight away. Let’s be real, your partner has just ended it with you, you’re probably not likely to get over it and fall in love with a new person in a day. So save the new persons feelings and your own in the long run. Just enjoy being solo for a while. You never know what’s around the corner and you might just have fun in the process!

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