The opening of this article is tinged with irony, as my housemate and I sit in my very tidy and clean room (unusual) and talk about what we are going to do in the next revision break. I’m think Crash Bandicoot Team Racing for the Playstation One that I brought back to Leeds with me after Christmas break. It is now, amidst practising the very topic I am writing on, that I remember I need to write this article – which itself is procrastination away from my 3000 word essay due in tomorrow! Ahhh!
Anyway, it is one of the finer tasks in life that I enjoy; finding little delights in mundane tasks or silly time- wasting activities that you would never normally do except in this 3 week long, grey, murky and unfathomable time we call ‘exam period.’
The inspiration for this article comes from this lady:
This is Jenna Mourey, affectionately known to her virtual audience as Jenna Marbles. She is an internet miracle-sexy-lol-a-tron-I-have-surprisingly-muscular-arms-comedian. I can honestly say I have watched all of her YouTube videos, and am an eager subscriber to her YouTube channel. She is a witty, clever and no-subject-is-taboo comedian who makes hilarious videos on her majestic life. Take a look at this video:
Number One: A golden oldie
Now I disagree with her. I am in fact the best procrastinator of all time, which is one of the reasons why I thought I would write you lovely people a nice list of ‘what and how to’s’ that make for efficient procrastination. (By the way, I have actually done all of these things. And thought they were normal.)
The most obvious and probably most over-used excuse for procrastination is to tidy your room. But I’m not just talking about picking up your dirty clothes and putting them into the wash bag, or taking away the mountain of dirty plates that have exploded on your bed because you have no time to clean up when you’re doing revision. I’m talking a tidying marathon to rival that of a cleaning team that includes Kim and Aggie, Monica Gellar and Noo-Noo. Get the Mr Sheen out and dust your skirting board, or spend an hour meticulously cleaning your make-up brushes. You’ll be thankful when you realise you have such a clean and organised room that your brain follows suit. Organise that underwear! It’s about time that you folded and placed all those bras neatly into the drawer, so that when you open it in a hurry for your exam tomorrow morning, it will display a colour coded and categorised inventory of bras for you to choose from. I’m thinking ‘Comfort>stylish>red>item 32: red and white polka dot t shirt bra.’ Perfect. Clear environment = clear mind.
Here is my super tidy room I cleaned yesterday. I actually wiped the floors with ‘Mr Sheen Handy Wipes.’ See how it shines?
Number Two: One that might actually come in useful
This is one of my favourites, as not only do you get to actually venture out into the wilderness outside of your (now super clean) bedroom, but it will actually come in useful in the near future too! Make a massive batch of food! The venturing out comes in when you realise you need a really obscure spice that you can only get from the Indian supermarket in Hyde Park, but it will be worth it when you have a month’s supply of curry in your freezer! In a week’s time you may be wondering where all your money went, but you will realise that buying saffron on a student budget was a good thing, because you can boast about your culinary prowess to your friends when you sit down to eat a banquet and they’re stuck mixing Pot Noodles with a spork.
Number Three: Discovering your aspirations
Now this can mean many things to many different people. Some of us may enjoy searching the web for pictures of our dream cars or houses. Or perhaps looking on which.com for the top rated carpet cleaner, because after clearing the floor of all the rubbish, that stain that came from spilling your delicious curry on the carpet after your friends kicked you out of the kitchen for being big headed might not come out with shampoo designed for hair. For me, I found my true aspirations whilst in the library, as always, pretending to do work. I genuinely spent about 2.5 hours looking on the internet at the world’s most expensive pens, and then evaluating the affordable(ish) ones and deciding upon one to invest in after I (ahem) pass my degree. Now, call me a loser, but I think this is rather poetic – an English student and an aspiring writer looking to invest in a pen, the tool of my craft? Anyway, for those of you interested, this is the most expensive pen in the world:
The Aurora Diamante Pen – a cool $1,470,600, but with over 30 carats of DeBeers diamonds and a solid gold tip, it’s worth every penny, right?
Number Four: Own it, baby!
I don’t mean internet shopping. I mean make your mark. I was given this rather lovely personalised ‘This book belongs to…’ stamp for Christmas, and I realise that not everyone is going to own one of these. But it means you can partake in yet more procrastination and make…A POTATO STAMP! Yay! Not only is it reminiscent of those beloved primary school days, but it means you can own those books, which will make you feel on top of the world! Then in some weird power mad way, take those feelings of domination over your books and own your actual work. (Don’t actually stamp it though; I think they would deduct marks for that).
For those that are too lazy to make the potato stamp (like me) you can buy it here.
But since we are now at the end of our procrastination list, you will have to think of your own procrastination ideas in the mean time until your stamp arrives. Sorry.