In consideration to the environment in which my writing will take its inspiration – it is hard to stay true to a schedule. I would not want to write for the sake of writing – to write to give something to read, when I believe there is nothing which will stay true to the basis of me doing it. However, I will try, when appropriate, to give you an insight in to what I see, and the views which I take from my experience of working on front line medical response.
There was a patient I treated sometime ago, during my first year at Leeds, one which stood out enough to prompt me to note my thoughts and feelings towards what I had seen that night.
With a lack of writing experience, I have decided that I would like to share my thoughts on this past job before I start to write about the experiences I will gain from this coming year.
Worse than seeing any amount of blood – My thoughts on the actions of ignorance…
I treated a 21 year old female patient tonight, who appeared to have had her drink spiked.
She was vomiting, her pupils the size of a 1p coins, pupils which were non reactive to light. Her eyes were also rolling around her head.
Alongside this, she was having involuntary movements of her head, shaking it violently from side to side, her body was shivering and her heart rate was worryingly above what we wanted to see.
Her friend told us that she had drunk half a bottle of wine, and taken a ‘bomb’ of MDMA, which she had taken many times before.
The patient, when able to speak, kept telling us that she had been spiked.
Tonight, I watched this girl scream that a man in a checkered shirt was following her, and that he was the one who had spiked her – I watched her scream in the belief that he was the one trying to hurt her.
Now from what I have learnt in the past, and what I have seen – I had no doubt in my mind that she had indeed been spiked, and we had an ambulance take her to hospital.
The completely distressing state in which I saw that girl in tonight was not what shocked me. As I know it as an effect that drugs can have. What shocked me is to see the results of what some men choose do.
I say shocked – the more worrying thing is that in all honesty, it doesn’t shock me at all. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what it is that drives people to do the bad that they do.
My conclusion so far is that all hatred, jealousy, anger and any of these unacceptable actions, aside from the obvious catalyst of complete ignorance – also come from insecurity.
If one were to be genuinely happy within themselves, they wouldn’t feel the need to argue their point, to play a game of power – to try and take advantage of a vulnerable girl. Only with complete security within oneself can someone have nothing to fear. No worries of a bruised ego when someone puts you down – as you would be content within yourself and know that the person causing the anger is more angry with themselves then they are at you.
I think it would be very ignorant to think that anyone is without their insecurities – those we see as the most confident often have great levels of insecurity… However, whatever insecurities someone has – there will never be an excuse to commit the actions which I saw the results of tonight.
I knew when watching this girl, that if someone had done that to someone I knew, someone I cared about, I would not be able to let it go – and I suppose this is my weakness.