You’re going through a break-up and it sucks. It doesn’t matter how the relationship ended because right now it’s just crap and you’re seriously hurting. Believe me, I know how you feel. This is the part of the relationship you didn’t bargain for – the end. And while it’s a really difficult time to get through, it also teaches you more about yourself and others around you than you’d think. So, in all their honest glory, here are the 10 things that I have learnt as a newly single person…
1. People in relationships talk about their other halves a lot. Like, a lot a lot. And, not to stereotype, but girls have, in my experience at least, generally been more likely to bring their beloved into the conversation. An example is as follows:
Her: Hey have you seen that new TV show?
Me: Yeah I love that show it’s really funny I mean didn’t you think –
Her: OMG my boyfriend LOVES that show too! And so do I! We watch it together whilst being committed and adorable hahaha!
Okay, so maybe it doesn’t go exactly like that, but you get the idea…
2. Although that does lead me nicely to number two. When you’re still going through the painful part of a break-up you become scarily bitter around happy couples. Surprisingly, the hostility isn’t usually directed toward the ones you’re used to being around, but is instead hurled at random strangers who hold hands in Sainsbury’s, or look at each other adoringly (read sickeningly) at the bus-stop, or whatever. Couples who are plastered all over social media are especially irritating, and often get a dose of ‘Urgh!’ shouted at them as you scroll past. Serene? Under control? Yeah, sure.
3. Every song seems to apply to your life. All those crappy lines you used to smirk at? They suddenly gain a new, deeper meaning. ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ becomes less Kelly Clarkson and more “Hell Yeah!”. In the same way, any sappy love songs talking about ‘true love’ or ‘my boo’ are now only good for an over-the-top eye roll and a sarcastic simper. There’s that bitterness we were talking about earlier.
4. Talking about it can sometimes really help. I mean it. Talk to your mom, your siblings, your best friends, your flatmates, the people on the bus – anyone who will listen. Sometimes all you need to do is talk, and it’s someone’s turn to listen.
5. The product of talking it through? A whole load left over to think about. And the problem with thinking is that it can all too quickly become wishful. That means pondering endlessly about ‘what ifs’ and ‘but maybes’, which is really the most dangerous type of thinking there is, because it makes you feel comforted and happy for about a minute and then turns you into a quivering wreck curled up in the foetal position with ice cream. Avoid it at all costs. It’s seriously tempting, but believe me it’ll do you more harm than good.
6. No matter how strong you are you’re not going get through this alone. Take good care of your mates, because as a newly single person you are definitely going to need them. Hot chocolate, hugs, hilarious nights out and even more hilarious nights in are going to get you through this, and these new memories will help hold you together when you need it.
7. Meeting new people is a great way to drag your mind away from a break-up. Your oldest or closest friends are great, but if they knew your other half then chances are they’re going to – entirely innocently – drop their name into the conversation, especially if you were both part of the same friendship group. Sometimes that’s not an issue, but sometimes every mention of their name is going to bring back happy memories that are truly the definition of bittersweet. Making some new friends can ease this – and hey, who doesn’t like having more friends?
8. It sucks being single around Christmas/New Year, which is why most people don’t do it. In the sickly-sweet run-up to Christmas and the end of the year love is well and truly in the air, which means joy for many couples and torture for the rest of us. More new relationship notifications will appear on your newsfeed during these few months than during any other time of the year. It’s difficult, and it sucks, but unfortunately us new singletons just have to grit our teeth and ding-dong-merrily-on-high our way through it. Tis the season and all that jazz.
9. You become more selfish. Selfishness isn’t normally desirable, but in this case it’s actually a really good thing. Being single means that you can plan for a future totally focused on you. Want to go travelling? Volunteering? Get some work experience for a year? Whatever you want to do! It no longer has to include another person, which makes for great career-planning. Scary, but really exciting!
10. You’re a lot stronger, and a lot weaker, than you originally thought you were. Stronger every time you realise that, actually, they might not have been right for you. Weaker every time you wish that they had been, or that they still were. Stronger when a milestone passes and you can feel yourself healing, and yet weaker when a photo, or a conversation, or even something as simple as a passing thought re-opens the wound. Try not to get annoyed with yourself on the bad days for ‘going backwards’; it’s important to remember that you’re dealing with losing something that was once a big part of your life. Chin up and keep going – you’re going to get through this.
Image Sources :
Image 1: http://giphy.com/gifs/broken-heart-liar-k9taBp9yR8Bsk