When you are in grade school, they teach you to be nice to everyone and in return, everyone will be nice to you. They teach you that people don’t leave unless they are dead. But what they don’t realize is that some people don’t want your love and that some people have their own selfish agenda. They don’t account for the parents who leave because they can’t love their children more than themselves, the relatives who choose work over family, or the friends who were never meant to be there.
It wasn’t until my high school graduation that I began to understand the impact of people leaving. After that ceremony, we would share a few last-minute hugs, pictures, and laughs, and then we would part ways. Some of us would stay in contact, but the majority we would only see through their Facebook updates or at alumni weekend. Yet that wasn’t what the phrase, “people leave,” meant.
People leaving is the end of a relationship based on their own will. They forget to include your feelings in decisions, and they even slowly forget your name or the impact you once had on them. People leaving isn’t what we should expect out of relationships but also shouldn’t define our lens on life.
I realize now, weeks later, that I don’t know how you are and you don’t know how I am. There is still a pit I feel in my stomach when I hear your name, see you, or catch you staring at me. I want to run up to you and hug you, tell you everything will be alright but you and I know that won’t solve anything.
Sometimes I question what I could have done better, where I went wrong but every time I come to the conclusion that you care and that you will always care, our timing just wasn’t right. I opened up to you and in your own messed up way, you told me your truth. I know you love me and I know that you regret what happened but I also know your fear of me breaking your heart kept you from being honest. You needed to hurt me and make me into a monster before I could hurt you.
You didn’t leave unexpectedly, but slowly the laughs became dimmer, the conversations awkward, and the texts blank. I realized that life was taking me on a path you weren’t destined for. That in order to embrace all my worth and adventures, I couldn’t have you by my side. My love for one adventure didn’t make your departure any easier but the past gave me assurance.
Sometimes I miss you but then I think of all that your departure gave me. It gave me new stories, new friends, and a new outlook on life. You taught me to be comfortable in my own skin, to walk with confidence, and to smile often. I learned that I could do anything. So I’m not angry that things ended. I’m happy because you and I weren’t meant to be, at least not now. So thank you for being strong enough to walk away for both of us.
I hope that you are happy, that you smile often, that you meet someone who loves you, and that your life is one filled with the right people. I hope you learn your worth and to not be afraid of the unknown.
Always & Forever,
Your former best friend