Welcome back to Yali’s Book of the Month, where I try to write about a current book that has piqued my interest this month. For this month, I read Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl- A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov. The way I learned about this book was actually kind of funny. I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts SweeTalks by sweetea on Spotify. It’s a group of guys tackling different topics ranging from relationships, social media, and sex. They had a special guest on their show, influencer Sahar Dahi. She is widely known on TikTok for her girl code-based videos and giving advice. She was discussing how she read this book that taught her a lot about herself and the male population and their perspective on dating. So, me being nosy, I went straight to Amazon and bought it for eleven dollars on my Kindle app. It’s a quick 265 page read, (well quick for me at least, I love reading), and here are my thoughts on it:
Now, before I get into the review, it’s fair to say that I began reading this book with a bit of bias. Reading it as a woman in a long-term relationship, I am kind of past the point of using these pieces of advice for my relationship. This book is more for women (or anybody, really), who are just starting to test the waters with a significant other. It revolves around the theme that women that hold themselves to higher standards are thus treated with higher respect from male suitors. While I do believe that one has to love themselves before they expect someone else to love them, this book constantly repeats itself with the same motto, just worded differently in each chapter.
It is stated at the beginning of the book that the author uses the word “bitch” as a sense of empowerment for women. As stated in the book’s introduction, “I’m using the word in a tongue-in-cheek way representative of the humorous tone of this book” (Argov, 3) Saying how you would casually call your friend a bitch is a certain situation. I do enjoy women reclaiming that word back from males that call us a bitch. We as women have twisted it in a way to empower one another. As in the famous words used by Alex Demie’s character Maddy in Euphoria, “Bitch, you’re my soulmate”(Levinson, 2022)
The chapter I enjoyed the most was “Why Men Prefer Bitches”, which seems to be the meat and potatoes of this book. It tells women to value their worth before anyone else. In this chapter, it breaks up the information into conditions, with one of my favorite conditions being #2, “Don’t see him when you are “running on empty”…he does not come before the basic necessities” (Argov, 35). I agree with this point wholeheartedly. One indeed needs to put themselves first before another person. They say they can only hang out at 9 pm, but you’re tired? Suggest another day. Don’t make a fuss out of it. A lot of people need to remember that tomorrow will come. This chapter gives great advice on putting oneself first, especially at the beginning of a relationship. To set the tone that they are cool and all, you have your priorities. Oneself should be one’s top priority over everything else.
The chapter I questioned the most was “Dumb Like a Fox”. It was like a manipulative tactic book on how to let the man believe he’s in control when it’s you. Skimming through these pages, I found myself laughing and making a confused face. It gave off the impression that women are purposely dumbing themselves down to make the man feel better about himself when that shouldn’t be the case. When I saw “The Dumb Fox Handles His Ego with Kid Gloves”, I found myself looking away from my screen with second-hand embarrassment. Making his ego big on purpose? I’m all about making my significant other feel good about themselves, but dumbing myself down so they can feel good about themselves? Yeah, no thanks. It, later on, states, “Don’t even kill a bug when he’s around. Don’t change a tire. Don’t even change a light bulb” (Argov, 77) This is unheard of. Of course, I will ask for their help with genuine things, such as helping me change a tire. However, killing a bug? If I know my significant other well enough, I’ll bet they’ll be the one asking me to kill it for them.
In conclusion, I’m not too thrilled with this book. Was it kinda the dumbest eleven bucks I’ve spent? Probably not, I’ve bought some pretty stupid stuff in my life. Do I recommend this book? No. I believe the idea that women should change their mind for a man or any significant other is so 2000’s. Like one attraction principle, “If you tell him you are not interested in jumping into a relationship with both feet, he will set out to try to change your mind” (Argov, 44). Reading this in the 2020s just makes me laugh at this point. People should just be authentically themselves, keep communication open, and make boundaries clear. This book isn’t all bad but it also isn’t all good. I would recommend getting this book for a friend as a gag joke (like really make it obvious that it’s just a joke). The dumbest part of this book, however, is the part about how to fake an orgasm…yeah no thank you.
References
Sherry, A. (2002). Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl—A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (6th ed.). Adams Media.