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Sex + Relationships

My Top Red Flags: From Personal Experience

When you come across different characters, you get certain experiences. Although these experiences can be tough in some way, they ultimately give you lessons to learn from. As I’m exploring the dating field and romantic relationships, I’ve noticed a few common patterns within romantic partners. Those patterns have now become my guide to spotting red flags when I am spending time with new people. Based on my experiences, here are some of the red flags I’ve seen, described as people.

The One Who’s Not Over their Ex 

As the subtitle states, they are not over their last relationship. One easy way I notice this is by how they talk. When talking to them, they often bring up their ex…even when the conversation is nowhere near that topic. 

Phrases they would say: 

“My ex used to like (insert a music genre you enjoy)”. 

“My ex would always complain when I would bring them here” (a location that they bring you to). 

“My ex was crazy”. 

On social media, they may still have pictures of themselves together, or a majority of their pictures are of them with their ex. Aka, that person is clearly not over them. Therefore, they should not be pursuing someone else to fill that heartbreak.

The Insecure 

It’s natural to have insecurities, however there is a line of when it should not be projected onto another person. This person can be obvious with their insecurities or even project them quietly. Examples of this may look like your partner not wanting you to wear certain clothes, projecting jealousy constantly, wanting you to change, or making harsh comments about your interests and goals. Ultimately, this makes you feel bad for them. 

Phrases they would say

“I don’t think you’ll get that job”. 

“Everyone always leaves me”. 

“I hope you don’t leave me”. 


This individual will seem close to perfection at first. Making plans, texting you consistently and always planning the next date or hangout. The next day they are completely silent. This can look like not texting back, leaving your messages on open, and seeming like they are disinterested. It’s almost as if this person was leading you on. Keep in mind that this can be seen very early on in the relationship.

Phrases they would say

“You’re my soulmate”. 

“I’ve never met anyone like you before”. 

“I love you” (we just met a month ago). 

Unmatched Leech

This person does not match your relationship energy. They seem to get more benefits than you in the relationship. You go above and beyond for them, however, they seem to look the other way when it’s their turn.  Or, they don’t put in any effort. If you’re the one always communicating, making plans, giving gifts, or carrying the relationship, this person is not it. They also tend to be very dry over text or in-person. 

Actions that would appear: 

  1. They go above and beyond for their friends, but not you. 
  2. For dates or hangouts, they always do what they want. Yet, if you wanted to do something, they would delay it or not take up the idea at all on future dates.
  3. They see you for what you can do for them only.

It can sometimes be hard to see some red flags when they aren’t exactly in your face. When dating or seeing someone new, we tend to wear “rose-colored” glasses. In other words, we are seeing the potential of someone rather than the person they truly are. When you are dating someone new, pay attention to how they are and how they act. Take off those rose-colored glasses once in a while.

Jade Diaz

Lasell '23

Jade is a Junior at Lasell, majoring in Fashion Merchandising and Management. She adores figurative art, and enjoys being creative in any way possible. One fun fact is that her dog Finn, is named after a Star Wars character named FN-2187.
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