Growing up, I always thought that the friends I had would be in my life forever. I did eventually see some friendships fade over time because the convenience of them was gone. However, the friendships that are the hardest to navigate are the ones that you have to force yourself to walk away from even though you never intended to start a friendship that you thought would end. So what is a toxic friendship? How do you know if you are in one and what are some ways to end it? Keep reading to find out!
In my experience the toxic friendships I have had usually:
What are the signs of toxic friendships?
- Made me feel bad about myself
- Involved a lot of gossips
- Facilitated and started drama
- Left me second-guessing myself
- Never or rarely apologized
One thing I have picked up on in the toxic friendships I’ve experienced is when they are often jealous of other friends. Maybe jealousy isn’t even the best way to put it, but they always have something negative to say if I am friendly or hanging out with someone who isn’t them or isn’t in the “friend group”. They tend to have a hard time sharing which can put a lot of pressure on a person as you may feel like they will always be mad or upset if you hang out or do something with someone else.
These friends also tend to be very self-centered. The friendship starts to not go both ways. Often when I realize I am in a toxic friendship, I notice the disconnect or the genuine disinterest in what is going on in my life. Every conversation always seems to circle back to them and can make you start to wonder, “do they even care about me”.
It can be hard to relax around these friends if you always feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them. I don’t know about you, but I am not a fan of being on edge and uncomfortable around someone who is supposed to be my friend. That is a big red flag for me.
Gossip is always the biggest indicator of a toxic friendship. If I am friends with someone who is always talking about other people and negatively, what’s to say they aren’t doing that behind my back too? Unfortunately, I have often found this to be true as well. It certainly does not make you feel good to know that someone you considered a friend can just as easily gossip and talk poorly about you as they do for others. This can break trust in a friendship causing real damage if it is not dealt with.
How to end a toxic friendship
One of the ways I have found to deter behaviors like this is to not engage in gossip with the person. This only allows them to feel that it is okay to act this way if you do participate in their gossiping. It can be hard to stand your ground with someone like this who you are unsure of how they might respond to if you try to talk calmly with them about your behavior. The best thing you can do however is stand up for yourself. Even at the moment, it may feel scary, but it will be worth it to stop them from walking all over you once and for all. Walking away from a friendship can sting and be very difficult to deal with at first, but in time you will be thankful that you did and you can start living a more stress-free and happier life.