I have learned a lot about living with a split family through my own experience with my parents who separated when I was very young. I realized the pros, the cons, and the sometimes dysfunctionality of it all. I know that everyone grows up with different stories or perspectives, so this is in no way stating how living with separated parents is, just my own experience. I want to address some of the encounters that I found throughout my own life.
More than two houses:
It is usually assumed that when parents separate, the child just lives between their two homes. However, in my case it was different. For about five years, I lived between FOUR houses. I know, that sounds like a lot, and it was. And trust me, it is not fun trying to pack things that you may need for the next house. When I would forget something, it wasn’t always easy to pick it up, as my dad lived a little further away from the rest of the houses. You’re probably wondering whose home I lived between all at once. There was my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my mom’s boyfriend. Eventually, this just became a part of my life that I got used to, but it was often stressful, especially with managing school on top of this.
Two Christmases
I personally view this as a positive in my own experiences with a separated family. This is because my parents made it work in a way that was great for all of us. My mom would get me on Christmas Eve, and I would go with my dad on Christmas day. This has been a constant in my life, it has never changed, so it is comfortable for me. However, it doesn’t always work out that way for every family. Sometimes parents fight over who gets the child and can never fully agree on it. We have to remember that having two of every holiday is not always a romanticized or amazing thing for the child. It can also be very stressful, and full of anxiety or other negative feelings.
Talking to both parents and getting different responses:
This can either be a great thing or a mess, depending on the situation. I often love being able to go to my parents to ask for their advice and get different viewpoints. I love receiving different advice from different people so this can usually be a good thing for me. And with my parents not together, they do not necessarily feel the need to have the same answer or agree on what they tell me, within reason. However, this can also lead to disaster. Sometimes there comes a time or an instance when one of my parents fully agrees I should do something while the other thinks otherwise, and this can lead to a lot of tension. Especially for me, being in the middle. Every family communicates differently. Some calmly discuss, some yell and fight, and some don’t communicate at all. I would say my parents are a mix of discussing, but also sometimes not addressing things at all. Growing up, and even sometimes now, it could feel like I had to be the one to figure out little disputes between my mom and dad. I would have to tell my parents the other’s views on the topic and try to fix the problem myself. However, in no way am I upset at my parents for sometimes putting me in these situations. There are so many things that are not spoken about with families that are split, and this is one that I picked up on throughout the years.
In my own personal situation, I am very grateful for how my parents chose to raise me. Of course, my family has had its flaws, many flaws. But overall, I was granted parents and other family members who put me, and how I would feel, first. However, we also have to remember that this is not the case for others, and living in a split family can be very stressful and hard. Having two homes, or two holidays should not be romanticized, as it can be very difficult to manage or live with.