TikTok. The app swept not just the nation, but the world during the outbreak of covid-19 back in 2020 when everyone wanted to use an app to get their mind off of the heartbreaking times we were dealing with. It’s an app that allows the user to make quick couple-second videos doing whatever they want. When I first heard about it, I instantly saw it as a rerun of Vine, a famous app with the same base from 2016. Remembering how I grew tired quickly of it back then, I didn’t bother following the hype of it. That wasn’t to say that my friends didn’t constantly try to pressure me back in high school to download it and see what the hype was all about.
My significant other at the time when TikTok was first starting to trend was obsessed with it. They would constantly send me videos and show me what he would watch whenever we hung out together. I didn’t personally see the appeal. They bothered me for weeks until I finally, reluctantly, downloaded it.
The obsession didn’t start instantly. It was a slow-burning obsession. The next thing I knew, covid-19 hit and I was stuck in my room, with the only way to keep myself occupied being TikTok. Over the summer of 2020, it quickly became an obsession, and I would spend hours on it, scrolling endlessly. Watching self-care videos, dance videos, and thirst-traps (yes Vinnie Hacker, I’m looking at you, buddy). I was spending all of my time on it, taking it all in, and that’s when I started subconsciously comparing myself to the other people on it. I would look at girls like Addison Rae and Charli D’Amelio and see how they rose to stardom instantly. I would think to myself, “How come they got to be famous but I couldn’t?”. I’m not bashing on their success; they are a few of the lucky ones that got to live the high life from this app. However, I would be lying to myself if I said there weren’t times when I wished that was me.
I got to college and it was apparent everyone was on it, and so was I. People would do TikTok dances in their dorm, people would scroll on it during boring lectures, and it quickly became another normalcy in life. A person would wake up and check TikTok before anything else; it was just a thing everyone did. The more free time I had between classes, the more time I would spend on it; the more sleepless nights I had, the more time I would spend scrolling until 2 a.m. It became an unhealthy stress coping mechanism where I would go on my phone and just be numb for a few hours.
I began to recognize it as a problem when I came back home for the summer of 2021 due to personal reasons. I saw the ugly side of TikTok. The minute the problem was seen, I deleted the app immediately and I haven’t looked back since. Since deleting it, I’ve had more time for hobbies that I enjoy, such as watching anime, journaling, and focusing more on my mental health. With it deleted, I haven’t felt the need to compare myself to others as much. Of course, there are still times when I do, but I constantly remind myself that everyone is different and everyone grows at their own pace.
I don’t recommend this for everyone. If you have a healthy relationship with TikTok, then by all means keep the app, but if you feel yourself comparing to others too much or feeling less of yourself from seeing what other people do or have on the app, then maybe give yourself some time to be yourself and take care of your mental health.