The other day I was joking around with friends, and I asked, “Hey Sam, what Greek letter would you want to date?” (Appropriate because Sam’s a huge math nerd.) Understandably, he was confused. Besides the basic types like alpha and beta, Greek letters aren’t used to qualify individuals. I decided that this should change. With the help of some friends, I’ve compiled a master list of what each letter represents. Welcome to the new horoscope! I’ll be your guide today as we navigate through the spicy world of symbols. Would you enjoy dating a theta or upsilon? It’s time to find out.
Alpha: Everyone knows about this one. I mean, how can you not? They’re the alpha! They’re the kind of person that can go to a party on Sunday night and wake up Monday morning to deliver a flawless presentation. They’re extremely driven in their work and have complete control over their life.
Beta: Different from alphas, betas like to lie low. Betas don’t like to draw attention to themself. This doesn’t mean they don’t have a social life, though. Once a beta finds their tribe, they’re louder than anyone else. This type is usually the one your parents like the most.
Gamma: Gamma is nice on the outside, but a bit crooked on the inside. This might be because their best friend is Kappa, who you’ll learn about soon. Gamma is secretly very sardonic and sarcastic, but that’s their charm. Their favorite musical artist is Eminem.
Delta: Delta likes change. It’s not uncommon for Delta to switch hobbies (or people) after just a few weeks. This letter likes drama and is particularly fond of love triangles. Too many people have fallen for their smooth lines and charm.
Theta: This letter is a starving artist. They like to view the world from many angles, which are often unique to their situation. Thetas are the most likely to write a love song and sing it outside your door at 3 AM. A free and creative thinker, you’ll never get tired of Theta’s unique ways of expressing their love.
Iota: If you like John Mulaney, then you’ll most certainly like Iota. This letter is a brat in the best way. Although they like being teased, don’t go too far unless you want passive aggressive messages the next day. One pro about being with Iota though is that you’ll never run out of fun things to do. Iota will also give you immense love if you treat them right.
Kappa: Kappa is the embodiment of school spirit. They’re at every school and sport related event with a beer or two in hand. At most parties, you’ll find Kappa at the pong table. Everyone likes Kappa because they’re the ultimate bro.
Omicron: Not many people know about omicron, which makes sense because they don’t get out often. Omicron’s probably the best looking letter, but struggles with self-confidence issues. Their ideal date is a Star Wars movie night or maybe Comicon where they can flex their sexy Kylo Ren cosplay.
Pi: Pi is the letter for you if you’re looking for the definition of warmness. They’re familiar and comforting, everything that someone needs in a partner. Pi is the letter that will bake you cookies after they hear from their mom that “the fastest way to the heart is through the stomach.” If you ever need a hug, a pi is there.
Upsilon: Upsilon can always make you smile. They always look on the bright side even when the situation or day has been rough. Upsilon is a great comedian as well, always surprising people with their quirky humor.
Omega: Omega never has any clue what is happening. They go to sports practice, hang with their bros Alpha, Gamma, and Kappa, and then pass out. Omegas like to live in the moment and enjoy every moment. Sometimes this can lead to exciting and spontaneous situations; other times it can lead to a hospital visit. Either way, Omega will make sure you have fun.
Phi: To say the least, Phi is the most experienced of the greek letters. They know what they like and how to get it. Underneath this surface though is a deeply emotional letter. Phi cares for their friends, and most times their friends come before any potential hookup. If you want to pursue this letter, a friendship must come first.
Xi: Xi is a combination of contrasting characteristics. They’re a social letter, but they also enjoy alone time. They’re active, but sleepy. Logical, yet impulsive. And so on. Xi is a great letter to have around, and you will never get bored.
Tau: It’s hard to get to know Tau when they keep glaring at you, but I promise Tau wants a relationship. Past the sharp edges, Tau is a loyal and caring letter. They’re rather straight-laced, but will make moral compromises if it means spending more time with you. If you want a challenge, Tau is the perfect letter.
So, did any of the letters catch your attention? Which is your type?
(Letters are not based on any real person/thing/event (except Xi, who is based on my roommate <3); the main inspiration came from well-known college characters.)
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