I hope and I Worry

Sometimes it’s hard to be happy. Sometimes it’s really easy to fake your happiness. Being stuck in one place might make it harder to fake happiness because you have all this time to think and listen to a whirlwind of thoughts racing through your head. There aren’t any more distractions to keep your mind occupied. I understand. Personally, I’m lucky and I’m genially happy at home. I’m excited about finally being done with school in two weeks. Yes, I do feel robbed and upset because of how my last semester is ending, but I’m still healthy and happy to be myself no matter where I am. I know it’s not that easy for a lot of people. As depressing and difficult this may seem to think about, I’ve been wondering about people who are living 24/7 with their abusers or those who aren’t able to get help they need. Virtual calls are nice, but I can’t wait to ignore my phone for a day by doing something outside in the fresh air.

There are so many people in this world. I wonder how every person can be reached at times like this. Where can they go if they feel unsafe, and how do they escape if we are quarantined? These questions aren’t easy, and the answers are probably harder to answer, but I know one thing I can keep doing. I can keep checking in with my people. Asking how their day was, talk to them about the good that’s going on, and encourage each other to find hope in the little things.

The world is currently changing and life after quarantine will most likely, not be the same as it was before. Hopefully, through this dreadful change you can find something to look forward to. I look forward to grad school. I’m also looking forward to being able to hug people in a grocery store or to see a friend and just hug them without a second thought. I’m excited to be able to visit KU and walk around the campus. I’m excited to sit at a restaurant and make a joke with the waitstaff. I don’t know when I’ll be able to do any of this, but I know eventually I’ll be able to do so. Until then I need to keep enjoying the little things and keep being myself. I still enjoy family dinner, crocheting, and of course taking nice hot baths.

I don’t know how everyone is holding up, but I’m going to keep talking to my people and hope everyone else is still talking to their people and checking in with each other. I hope those that need help are about to call those hot-line numbers. There are people who sit by a phone and wait to talk to someone. Even if you feel like what you want to talk about is unimportant, it’s not. Holding in your feelings isn’t healthy. Call someone- your best friend, a stranger, or even just talk to your dog. Find a way to let go and relax. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. I look forward to seeing your smiles instead of your masks.