So, I’ve been thinking.
And doing a lot of self-reflection.
Why is it that I’m always trying to give my love to others?
I know I have a lot of love to give, but I haven’t found anyone worthy of all I am just yet.
I know I’m young.
I will be patient.
Instead, this time I choose me.
Time and time again, I am amazed by how each person who comes into my life claims to be different. Claims to be unique. “I’m not like everyone else.” Okay. Fine. I’ll believe you because that’s what I do. I see the good in people, even if that good only lasts for a week. Over and over, this cycle continues. I always want to blame myself, but why should I? I love who I am. Outspoken, energetic, passionate. Loving, honest, intelligent. Why should I hate this person?
I shouldn’t.
And I don’t.
I don’t hate the people who have hurt me and I forgive them easily. Sometimes too easily. But I will remember the hurt they put me through and they won’t hurt me again. I won’t let these people back in.
Maybe I have a cold heart.
Maybe I’m bitter.
No. I don’t believe these things about myself. I know I have so much love to give. I just seem to give it to the wrong people.
I am gentle.
I am caring.
I am mine. I am mine before I am ever anyone else’s.
With all this self-exploring, I deemed it fit to be spontaneous.
Those who know me well know I do things like this all the time.
So, I went and got a tattoo.
This tattoo isn’t for anyone’s pleasure, but my own. It’s a daily reminder that I come first.
This is not selfish of me like society wants me to believe.
This is me choosing myself first. This is me loving myself first.
Self-love must come before you are capable of loving another and this is something I think most of us forget. I will not rush to give my love away. Instead, I will hold onto my own love for a while and cherish it. Because it is precious and pure. No one has seen that yet and that’s okay.
Someday, my love will be given to another and it will be appreciated.
Until then, I want to give my love to myself because this is the perfect time.
My love is my own.
My body is my own.
I am mine.