Self-confidence is a rare commodity in women these days. Women are so used to hating their bodies and are socially constructed to always improve them. When a woman is confident in herself, she comes off as “cocky” or “self-absorbed”.
It has taken me years to develop self-confidence. I used to want to be the perfect image of a woman in society until I realized how exhausting and impossible it is. It’s easier said than done of course, and I still have my bad days. But what I love about loving myself is helping other women learn to love themselves.
It’s easy to get in the rut of feeling down about yourself, seeing society’s norms and wondering why you don’t fit them. Well you know what? F*ck society. Society doesn’t appreciate the wonderful amazing beautiful woman that you are, and you don’t need to conform to their ways.
To help everyone learn to love themselves a little more and rock the person they are, I’ve reflected on how I started to love myself in the past few years. I’ve rounded up five easy ways to build up your confidence in being your true self.
Look at what you LOVE:
When you look in the mirror in the morning, do not focus on your “problem” areas. Look at your smile that’s the same as your dad’s. Look at your awesome beauty mark by your right eye and your curvy waist. Whatever it may be, look at the parts of your body that you LOVE. Focus on them. Your body is simply a vessel of your soul and mind, and it has more beautiful parts than not beautiful. (Yes, I know that ignoring the parts of your body you don’t like won’t make them go away, but isn’t it easier to focus on the good?)
Remind yourself of your uniqueness
We are all different and unique and it is the most beautiful thing in the world. Remind yourself of the unique, amazing person you are and the fact that you are unlike anyone else in this world. Think of what you can offer the world instead of what you can’t. I promise it will help bring you up.
Make others feel good
This one is the easiest. Think about when someone compliments you. Whether it’s a stranger, friend, lover, or family member it makes your heart sing, your cheeks turn red, and a huge smile spread across your face. Do that to others. Make others feel good about themselves by giving a genuine compliment and a smile. Once you see that happiness you bring others, it’s almost impossible to not feel good and love yourself.
Go out of your comfort zone
Go get that haircut you’ve always wanted but have been too afraid to get (I did that this week, really fun). Wear a cute dress with thigh-high socks if you want to. Try purple lipstick. Talk to someone you normally wouldn’t, or buy a stranger their coffee and tell them to pay it forward. Once you gather up the courage to do something new and break out of your comfprt zone, your confidence skyrockets and many doors will open for you.
A photo of the haircut I’ve always wanted but have been too afraid to get until about five days ago, six inches, baby!
Practice self-love and self-care
This might be the most important one of all. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself. Have that extra scoop of ice cream because you deserve it. Take a nap if you’re tired (or drink three cups of coffee if you’re me). Write out your thoughts, make art, or sit and binge watch Netflix if that’s your thing. Try your hardest to give yourself the relaxation you need. Take that time to reflect on who you are and why you’re awesome.
All in all, becoming confident does require more than just these five easy steps. It takes time, effort, and maybe some support from others, but it is possible. If you’ve been lost in the harmful ways of society and need to find your path to confidence and happiness, start with these steps. When you’re confident in who you are, what others think doesn’t matter. Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.