To Ex #1: Thank you for being my first crush and boyfriend. I still remember talking to you after our marching band performance at a football game in high school and getting butterflies in my stomach. You made our breakup super easy, and I don’t regret my first kiss being with you. I wished you stayed around, continued being my friend. You grew distant after starting to date other people. I’m proud of all you’ve accomplished. Hopefully our paths cross in the future.
To Ex #2: Thank you for teaching me not to date within martial arts. That was a dumb idea on my part. You were my first long-distance, and you really did break up with me over a text message. Not cool, dude. I hope you’re doing fine, and I’ll probably never talk to you or your friend again. Oh well.
To Ex #3 and #5: Thank you for putting up with my growing pains. I first dated you in person and then long-distance after you moved away. I’m sorry my mom made us break up, but dating as a freshman in high school was probably not a smart idea. You made me realize that friends can maintain friendships from different states. I’m sad we parted ways, but we’ve both changed. Our values are different now. I hope everything is going well for you.
To Ex #4: Thank you for being honest with yourself. I will admit, it kinda hurt when you announced you were gay and not bisexual after we broke up (like, immediately after we broke up), but I’m glad you were being true to yourself. I wished we still talked; I think you would like me more now than as a sophomore in high school. I’m more nerdy than before.
To Ex #6: Thank you for teaching me how to identify scumbags. I thought it was amazing to meet another person just as passionate as me about music, but once we dated for over 3 months, I realized you emotionally used me. It was hard being long-distance, and you knew that. I cried almost every night because I didn’t know what was wrong, and I thought it was what I was doing. It turns out I didn’t do anything wrong—you were just a manipulator. I hope you’ve learned your lesson.
To Ex #7: Thank you for senior year. We dated that whole last year of high school, and it was a wonderful time. We both knew we would end things when we went off to college, but I didn’t expect us to drift this far apart. I hope you love your major and your current girlfriend. Treat her right, because I know you did with me.
To Ex #8: Thank you for coming clean later on. You were my first boyfriend in college, and I honestly thought I was going to marry you. I remember panicking and crying two days before we broke up because I knew something was wrong. You dragged your heels and put a lot more emotional strain on me than you should’ve. But I’m glad you came clean to me two years later and told me the real truth of why we broke up. I hope that we can talk sometime soon.
To Ex #9: Thank you for teaching me to trust my gut. Once spring break hit, I knew that something was wrong, but you refused to say anything to me. I guess you wanted to break up in person or something. I had to stay in my friend’s room for the night because I was so panicked about what was going to happen. And I still performed well in my first student recital. Frankly, I hope you get the karma.
To Ex #10: Thank you for still being around. You were my worst breakup. Not that anything you said was wrong, but I was heartbroken for weeks. I didn’t see this coming until I felt a gut reaction an hour beforehand. We had been dating for 4 months, so I thought it would be something long-term, but I now realize how awful I was to you. I shouldn’t have guilt tripped you or made my depression seem like your fault. I didn’t communicate. I hope we can continue talking, even if it’s months apart from each conversation. You’re still a really cool dude and friend.
To Ex #11: Thank you for taking your time. I foresaw that we were going to break up, and mentally prepped for it. You taught me I had to be honest with my partner and stop holding things back. Although we didn’t talk a lot after it happened, we’re still great friends, and I’m really happy to know you. I know you’re going to do great things.
To Ex #12: Thank you for teaching me to not settle. You were my longest relationship to date, and I am fond of the memories we made on the journey. Towards the end, I realized I let minor things I didn’t like slip, and they all piled up until I cracked. I forgot how to communicate with you and learned that we weren’t meant for each other. I hope you have a successful career and get your stuff sorted out on your own.
And to whoever may be the next person I’m with: thank you for seeing the good in me.