Shane Koyczan has a video, and watching it can make tears effortlessly fall down my cheeks because growing up with a mind like mine and listening to something like this just has the ability to do so. I decided to write my own version:
To this day, I still have negative thoughts about myself that all began because of the words of others that had me convinced that they were facts and not opinions. These words were dug so far into my skin you could read them on my bones. I saw nothing special in myself, felt no hope, and eventually just felt hollow. To this day, I still doubt my place in this world and feel like an extra puzzle piece thrown into a puzzle I will never fit into. That I am some abstract piece of art surrounded by Mona Lisa’s. To this day, I still see flaws in my body because like some Pavlovian experiment I was taught constantly that I was some kind of creature. I was looked at like I was some sort of exhibit in a freak show that starred the broken. To this day, I wonder if I will ever be good enough because moment after moment “feeling worthy” felt like a wretched mountain I’d never make it to the top of. That no matter what I give, it will just be nickels and pennies surrounded by 100 dollar bills..
But these thoughts aren’t as constant anymore because I’ve taught myself that these things that people say are just words and not everyone’s opinion of you is worth getting torn apart over. That these names given to you by people who don’t even know the color of your eyes aren’t valuable and don’t describe the person you are. That not everyone needs to like you as long as you love yourself. That the things that I have grown to hate about myself are the things others love most about me. That in every flaw there is beauty and in every dark storm there is light. That my worth comes from within and no matter how many rejections and negative responses I get back, I am still worthy of life, and love, and happiness.
I am happy with who I am and although I still have to work at it, I am recovering and I am happy.