I have a friend who messaged me this week. Let’s call her Kate. Kate messaged me about some boy she has been talking to for a bit now. She was having a crappy day and decided to message this boy and said that there are other girls out there that he could be with. From my point of view, she was saying this because she needed a pick-me-up from a crappy day. However, he rebutted and started expressing how if she is saying this now it could lead into trust issues in their relationship. Well, that made Kate start to get frustrated, so she argued back and then he started responding with one word to show that he’s angry. When she messaged me all of this, I pepped her up. I agreed that if she asks this guy why her, his response should be real and cheesy. Always add a bit of cheese when it comes to a relationship.
This boy didn’t properly comprehend what Kate was asking when she talked about other girls being out there. There was a miscommunication in their conversation and there always tends to be some type of miscommunications in any relationships. Most boys say that they can never understand girls. Us girls are apparently too complicated. Here’s the thing though, if we’re upset our best friend knows. Yes, our significant other may be our best friend, but there is always another best friend besides your significant other. They will always understand you. I find it so funny when guys don’t understand a conversation between two girls. All he hears are the few words spoken. The have no idea what they are talking about. Maybe, they are only hearing the two girls agree and repeat, “I know” in different pitches. What they are missing is a conversation that already happened. It’s like a magic trick or an illusion. What you see and hear is not everything. Boys tend to go off of what they see and hear, but they need to learn to read in between the lines. Which is frustrating as heck, but hear me out. Kate couldn’t say, “Hey I had a really crappy day and need an emotional pick-me-up,” because then he would only say things to make her feel better and not say it because it’s true. This is why boys feel as though girls don’t speak clearly. We fish for things or drop hints because boys should be able to know that if I say, “I thought you were going to do some laundry today,” means that you should do some laundry today. I wasn’t asking why you didn’t I was just being polite. If I told you, “Hey, you said you were going to do laundry today and you should do it.” Or “You should do your laundry today,” eventually it would get annoying and then I would be labeled controlling. Girls tend to try toword things to be more polite and then guys don’t get always the hint and say we’re confusing.
Communication is basically a vicious cycle in relationships. Someone might ask, if girls are worried about pissing a guy off, but do it anyway by dropping hints or wording things politely why not just be blunt? If girls were blunt and honest about how they are feeling or what they want I think this world would be turned upside down. If a guy is trying to figure me out, I would like to wish them good luck because I haven’t even figured out myself. I go back and forth with decisions, that’s why I can never decide on a restaurant. Sometimes, I don’t know what I want, but I know what I don’t want. I know boys get frustrated when girls say things, but it’s not clear as to why they are saying things in a specific way. I often hear, “I can’t read your mind.” If I let you read my mind it would probably sound harsh. There might even be a few curse words mumbled and jumbled between ever other word. People try to help, it’s a common trait among a lot of people I know. However, the way you help can make things worse. For example, I was really frustrated a few weeks ago when my dad called me. I ranted to him about what was going on and his response was telling me that I’m a good person. My dad meant well and I feel bad because of how upset I was that day and him telling me I’m a good person did not make me feel better. I need to hear that I’m right, their wrong and that he’ll be able to help me. I didn’t need to hear how to fix my problem I just needed it to be fixed, I needed to scream, and I needed to be right. I was so upset that day, but I wasn’t going to ask my dad, “Hey, I’m upset I need you to tell me I’m right, they are wrong, and you will be able to help me fix my problem.” Asking for emotional support for everyday emotion feels weak and disappointing. When I ask someone how I look, I feel like I’m fishing for a compliment, but when it’s given to me without being asked it feels so much better. It’s like getting flowers because it’s Valentines Day or just because. I rather be given a rose on a random day than a hundred dozen roses on Valentines Day. When I can tell that someone has put thought into my happiness and well being it feel much more amazing than fishing for an answer or support. Plus, if I really need something, I don’t have a problem advocating for it. The problem I had a few weeks ago that I talked to my dad I asked him to come up the next day to help. I know when I need something and I know that I really can’t be upset at someone when they can’t read my mind, but if I ask for help and then don’t receive it I could get pretty upset and you’ll probably never see it.
Overall, there is no really one way to truly understand one person. It’s normally a day by day thing. For some people, it’s a minute to minute thing or a month to month thing. Emotions change all the time. The thing is guys do not need to understand girls. They need to understand responsibility, emotional support, and trying. If they do their best than what more can anyone ask for. There is no magical way to explain how to understand emotions. That’s why you will never be able to understand girls because we thrive on emotions. Our emotions make us successful. Expressing emotions should never be a weakness no matter your gender. The thing is, women are just better at switching emotions. There is a complexity to emotions that not everyone understands.