At the end of this semester, I will have accumulated 130 credits, enough for Kutztown’s automated emails to start sending me graduate student information. Had I decided that a single degree was sufficient, I would be receiving a diploma next month. Instead, I’m trudging through junior year, which I have deemed the Thursday of school years, staring at a finish line that is slightly out of reach. While I like to blame school for all of my woes, I’m aware of a condition that underlies all of the stress: an unwillingness to change.
All of my friends are aware of my horrid procrastination. In fact, it was such a large part of my personality that it featured in one of my very first articles here on Her Campus. Not much has changed as I sit here writing this article at 11:36 pm on a Friday night. “I thrive under pressure,” I say, “That’s how diamonds are formed, right?” In truth, it stems from a reluctance to break free from my homeostasis and set goals that push me into uncomfortable situations. Over time, this habit would seep into more aspects of my life than mere homework. I’m too tired to fold the laundry today. Maybe I’ll go back to Jiu-Jitsu after my schedule clears up a little. I’ll look at potential internships tomorrow. My stagnation had drained me more than any activity ever had, and it left me wondering why I was the only one in my friend group who hadn’t found something that filled them with joy.
I’ve decided that I’ve had enough of this paralysis of the mind. I’ve been driving on cruise control and have grown inattentive at the wheel. It’s time to take control of my life back. I’ve made greater efforts to switch up my routine, from eating at new places to meeting up with old friends. My friend has invited me to start taking Muay Thai classes with her, my return to martial arts after a three year hiatus. I’m attempting to work on my social anxiety, attending more on-campus events and gatherings within my community. Instead of sapping my energy, stepping out of my comfort zone has emboldened me creatively, and I’ve found more inspiration for creating art that I truly love. The only thing standing in the way of my progress has been me.
There’s nothing wrong with taking a bit of a breather and enjoying the world’s stillness. But we need to find a balance between things that ground us and things that continue to better us. Sometimes being comfortable isn’t a good indicator of stability. If you’re feeling slightly restless, like something’s off but you’re not quite sure what, take a step back and analyze what has changed in your life and what hasn’t. Maybe you just need to break free from stagnation.