Why you should know your love languages

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Love languages can make or break a relationship. I know that the love languages test can seem like just a cute test to take with your friends at a sleepover, but it is so important to learn your love languages. If you know your love languages, and you make sure that the relationships around you speak to them, your relationships will be significantly more fulfilling. 

First, let’s talk about what the love languages are. The five languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time and acts of service. Though the love languages may seem self-explanatory based off of their names, there is so much more to them. Words of affirmation doesn’t just mean someone telling you, “You look nice today.” Words of affirmation can mean validating someone when they are going through a difficult time or affirming a decision that was difficult for them to make. 

The love language that gets a lot of hate is receiving gifts. This love language can seem shallow or materialistic, but there is more to it. Gifts can mean dropping a coffee off to someone before work or bringing home their favorite bag of candy. 

There are so many more things to learn about love languages so I would highly recommend taking the test love languages test. There are also books and other resources that talk more about them. 

My top two love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. I used to not realize how much of a role these two love languages play in my life, but playing sports helped me learn how they do. Coaches often get lost in the constant screaming and constructive criticism, but for me just doing this does not work. When a coach would only yell at me, at some point I would stop listening. Now if a coach said one compliment in the midst of criticisms, all of a sudden I was paying attention again. Validation is so important for me. 

I found out how important my love languages were in my relationships, particularly with significant others, when I experienced a situation where I wasn’t feeling love. If someone doesn’t speak to your specific love languages, the kind acts of love they show you might not feel as meaningful. 

If someone in your life is not understanding your love languages, you have to express to them that when they don’t speak to your love languages, you don’t feel loved. This can seem really harsh, but it is so important. If that person really loves you, they will learn how you best receive love. If they don’t see the importance of your love languages, the relationship will struggle and someone will end up feeling hurt. 

Now, let’s talk about a relationship or friendship where both parties understand each other’s love languages. Understanding love languages does not guarantee that the relationship will be flawless, but the love will be better understood. When a love language is recognized and put into action, it’s like finding someone that speaks your language in a foreign country. All of a sudden you understand what is being communicated to you. 

couple sitting near trees during golden hour Photo by Khamkéo Vilaysing from Unsplash

Imagine speaking French to someone who speaks Spanish. It seems quite ridiculous, doesn’t it? Well, love languages are the same thing. If my friends' love language is quality time, but I bring her a coffee, she will appreciate the gesture. The difference is that I am not speaking to her love languages. Now imagine if I took time out of my day to go with her to sit and have coffee together. The love would be so much better understood. 

Turning this back towards you, make sure that the people around you speak your love language to you. It may feel selfish to do this, but as I have been told so many times, you deserve the love you so freely give. I didn’t come up with this quote, but it has always stuck with me. Encourage others to speak your love language too.

Love yourself written on wall Photo by Nicole De Khors from Burst/Shopify