I love romantic comedies with all of my heart. I believe everyone should, and if you say you don’t, you’re lying to yourself. Why won’t you let yourself feel joy? Sure, some of them are terrible, sexist or have Dane Cook in them, but it’s almost impossible to not enjoy at least a few, whether you’re only a fan of the “prestigious” ones like The Princess Bride or, like me, you’ll waste an entire Saturday watching a TBS marathon of Kate Hudson movies if that’s what you have to do to get your fix of cheesy romance.
Though it can be a great genre, and the tried-and-true stories we all know and love are perfectly fine, there are a few movies that get lumped into the category of “romantic comedy” that just don’t seem to quite fit. This is mainly because, as great as they are, they are really not romantic. They are all about love, hence the confusion, but if you really stop to think about it, it becomes apparent that (whether intentionally or not) these movies paint a very bleak and/or unhealthy version of romance.(Note: all of these movies are my favorites, so I say these things with love).
1. Say Anything
1989’s “Say Anything,” at least on paper, seems to be a shining example of a romantic comedy. A boy meets and pursues a girl. The girl is initially uninterested but eventually relents, leading to a dating montage where they kiss in the rain to a Peter Gabriel song. Then, an unforeseen obstacle gets in their way and, oh no, it seems they may never recover. Finally, one last grand romantic gesture with a boom box wins her back, they kiss (in appropriate weather this time) and that’s it. That’s how it’s remembered, anyway.
Dozens of movies and TV shows have re-created the boom box scene, making it out to be the ultimate romantic moment — John Cusack testing his upper-arm strength while Ione Skye realizes her feelings for him, following the sounds of soulful ’80s pop to be reunited with her love. Except, when you watch the movie, that isn’t what happens at all.
First, this movie (in my humble opinion) is not really about John Cusack’s character, Lloyd Dobler. It may seem that way because he’s John Cusack and he wore an impressively not-creepy trench coat, but the movie makes so much more sense when you realize the real main character is Diane Court. Oh, Diane Court, you don’t get nearly enough credit for the amazing, intelligent, complicated character that you are. Let me break this down: first, Diane only agrees to go out with Lloyd because she has just graduated high school (as valedictorian, I might add) and realizes she was so busy succeeding she forgot to get to know her classmates. She continues to date him because she likes the whole “so awkward and befuddled it’s charming” thing, but eventually realizes that they are too different and their relationship will not last when she moves to England at the end of the summer, so she dumps him (giving him a pen as consolation, which is admittedly not great).
It’s at this point that Lloyd starts constantly crying, listening to Peter Gabriel and doing whatever he can to win her back. This includes the boom box stunt which, unlike what most people think, doesn’t actually work. Diane does nothing to indicate she wants him back after this because (and this is important) SHE HAS OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT. Her father, who she has an incredibly close relationship with, is (*spoiler alert for a 30-year-old movie*) going to jail for defrauding a bunch of elderly people, and she’s moving to an entirely new country in a few weeks. Diane Court does not have time for your emo bull crap, Lloyd. It’s only after her father is sent to jail and after she has an emotional breakdown that she goes back to Lloyd, confessing that he is the only thing she has left in her life. He goes with her to England, but the final scene of them sitting together uncomfortably on a plane should serve as a strong hint that this movie was never meant to be romantic. I love the character of Lloyd Dobler, and I love this movie, but Diane Court deserved better.
2. (500) Days of Summer
Though it’s also one of my favorite movies, I have ranted about “(500) Days of Summer” before, and I am not the first or the last to do so. This rant bears repeating, however, because every time I watch this movie with a new group of people, some jack wagon has to comment on how “Summer is such a (insert terrible word for a woman)!” and “Why did she lead him on if she wasn’t interested?” and “Why are women allowed to have opinions, when I, a man, have a different opinion?” and I have to once again remind myself that slapping people is frowned upon in civilized society, because DID YOU WATCH THE MOVIE? LIKE, AT ALL?
Zooey’s judging you.
One of the first lines of the entire movie is “This is not a love story.” Most people seem to ignore this. Joseph Gordon Levitt plays Tom, a romantically down-on-his-luck greeting card designer who listens to The Smiths and sings Bruce Springsteen songs at karaoke. Zooey Deschanel plays the titular Summer who starts working at his office and who, by some miracle of the universe, ALSO listens to The Smiths and Bruce Springsteen (only two of the most popular artists of all time). Tom then decides, without notifying Summer, that they are soul mates. He pursues her, talks about her behind her back and whines like a toddler when she doesn’t immediately love him back.
(A reminder that JGL is precious in real life)
Eventually, Summer does start to take an interest in Tom, and when she later tells him they should stop seeing each other, it seems like she has lead him on and that she is a manipulative and terrible person. Except, oh wait a minute, she made it clear from day one she was not looking for a relationship. This part is conveniently left out of every argument that this movie is really about poor Tom and the mean girl who broke his heart.
She told him she was not romantically interested in him, over and over, never changing her mind just because he wanted her to really badly. She did sleep with him and go on dates with him, but she reminded him consistently that she was just looking for something casual. When things got too serious, she ended it, because she wasn’t sure he was what she was looking for. Then, when she reaches out to possibly mend their friendship, he takes that as yet another invitation for a relationship and is then left pouting like a baby when it blows up in his face, AGAIN.
This movie was never meant to be romantic. The reason so many people hate Deschanel’s character has less to do with the movie itself and more to do with our society’s insane double standards on women and men and dating. Both Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel have spoken out about how Tom is not meant to be the hero of this story and instead that it’s a look at our current dating culture and also a statement on how women are not obligated to love you back, no matter how much you like them, how quirky and interesting you are or how many metaphorical (or literal) boom boxes you hold over your head. Chloe Grace Moritz’s character says it best:
3. Pretty in Pink
Yet another one of my favorite movies (though more ashamedly so), “Pretty in Pink” is similar to “Say Anything” in that they were made in the same decade and are about whiny teenagers, but that’s where the similarities stop. While “Say Anything” comes across as subtle and understated, managing to avoid using too many ’80s clichés that might date it, Pretty in Pink decided “screw that” and tried to shove as much permed hair, New Wave music and yuppie pretty boys as it could into one movie. For this reason it’s amazing to watch, but it is still not what I would call romantic.
Watching this movie in modern day is like watching a how-to video on what NOT to do when dating. You just want to grab Molly Ringwald’s Andie and shake her, yelling “YOU DON’T NEED A GUY TO COMPLETE YOU!” I’d like to believe if this movie were made today, it would end with her rejecting both Blane and Duckie and riding off into the sunset with her cool female boss who listens to good music and has AWESOME hair.
Instead, the movie ends with her “choosing” Blane over Duckie, which is just terrible for several reasons. One, Blane is kind of totally a jerk. His smarmy rich guy charm only gets him so far, and after a while it seems he brings nothing to the table besides being ’80s handsome and pulling off feathered hair surprisingly well.
His hair is prettier than mine.
He and Andie seem to have absolutely nothing in common, nothing to talk about and they have completely clashing personalities. Their first date consists of them fighting about three times, passive-aggressively competing over whose friends are better and is only saved by a good kiss and a prom invitation. Their relationship doesn’t improve from there, with him bailing on their prom date because Blane’s handsomely terrible best friend (young James Spader hello) wants him to, him ignoring her calls for what seems to be weeks and them really not having a single good moment until their big last-minute prom kiss. Overall, their relationship is like a 2/10 at best, and if it weren’t for their amazing hair and the perfect song, their romantic reunion would be painful to watch.
His face is prettier than mine.
Duckie isn’t any better, however. While his love for Andie could be construed as sweet, his inability to let her be happy if it isn’t with him is creepy and gross. His lack of self-awareness is something anyone who has gone to high school can relate to, but if she’s not attracted to him there’s not much he can do about it, so suck it up and stop crying to The Smiths, buddy. There’s also the theory that Duckie was gay, which is disputable, but one thing that is not disputable is that Duckie is a much better dresser than Andie, which is the biggest deal breaker if there ever was one.
He would have a successful Tumblr blog today.
Either way, Andie shouldn’t need a man to give the movie a conclusion, and with such slim pickings she probably should have just stayed single.
Really, all of the characters from all three of these movies should have kept flying the solo flag, but because they’re in a movie (and there are female characters involved) that’s apparently not an option. While “Pretty in Pink” seems oblivious to the unhealthy relationships it’s promoting, at least “Say Anything” and “(500) Days of Summer” seem to be aware of what they’re doing. Regardless, it seems that a romantic comedy should be required to at least include the component of “romance,” and more importantly, functional romance, to qualify, but as these movies prove, that’s not always the case.
I feel ya, Duckie.