Why I'm Too Scared to Download TikTok

Trigger Warning for TikTok users: I’m sorry if this article offends you… please don’t hate me.


Okay… TikTok. Where do I begin? I genuinely thought that TikTok was going to be one of those apps that everyone poked fun at and messed around with for awhile, then disappears. Turns out, that is clearly not the case. TikTok is not only hanging in there, but it’s actually prospering. Help? Here are the reasons why I’m just too scared to hop on the bandwagon and download TikTok:


  1. It’s kind of an off-brand version of Vine. - I can swallow my pride and admit that there are many TikToks with big vine energy. However, nothing will ever surmount Vine. I can not be convinced otherwise. With vine being only 6-second-long videos, comedians had to push the envelope to get their content (and punchline) out there. It was quick, effective, and one of the best apps to ever exist. R.I.P. Vine.

  2. E-BOYS - I refuse to stand behind the notion that pretty boys can just stand in front of a camera, do nothing but clench their jaw and touch their hair, and become famous. Absolutely not. What have we come to, people? Not only do I find this incredibly cringey, but I also find it, in a way, unattractive. Don’t get me wrong, those boys are gorgeous, but let’s be real here. If you started talking to a really cute guy you met while you were out with friends, only to find out he’s a semi-successful e-boy on TikTok, you would feel indifferent too. That probably wouldn’t happen though, considering all of those boys are probably painfully awkward in real life. I’m sorry I’m being so mean but I can’t help myself.

  3. The comedic TikToks I’ve seen just aren’t that funny. - I’m sorry, but most of the TikToks that are supposed to be funny are anticlimactic af. People always use text on the screen as a cop-out. Also, the whole “DON’T LET THIS TIKTOK FLOP” thing is overused and most of those videos are just downright dumb (not to mention it’s another way of saying “do it for the vine”). I once saw a TikTok of a boy breaking into an employee lounge, eating the food in their fridge, and sitting on the couch until an employee came in and yelled at him to leave. Someone please explain to me how this is funny. Also arrest this guy for eating someone’s food out of the fridge that’s so annoying. 

  4.  Some of those dancing videos make me want to cry. - The only reason why I would consider downloading TikTok is to watch people who are actually good at dancing. I’m a dancer myself, and some dancing TikToks are really fun to watch! However, there’s always going to be that one guy or girl that posts videos of them totally butchering a dance, but posting it anyway because they look hot. That’s just the way TikTok rolls. 

  5. I’m just too stubborn. - Okay, I said it. Are you happy now?


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