At almost 21, it seems like my Facebook newsfeed has been filled with engagement announcements and baby sonograms, while I’m sitting here trying to decide what ice cream I’m going to pig out on. It seems like my generation is jumping the gun on relationships by taking huge steps and I wonder if I’m getting left out, that I’m the one screwing around, while everyone is out making life decisions. Then I realized something, I realized I was free and that was amazing.
Everyone wants that perfect relationship. Every girl dreams of the day they’ll get married and have babies. But why push it? Why speed things up? I’ve been in a two and a half year relationship; I know how amazing it is to have someone there – someone to love. But when I got out of it and moved on, I realized that I missed out on a lot. I didn’t take chances; I didn’t try new things because I was scared. I was scared to travel, to go on impromptu adventures, because I didn’t want to leave him. I was always worried about what he would say and how long I’d be away. Girls invest so much into relationships that we don’t realize how much we are giving up.
At 20, I have no idea where I want to be or where I want to go. I do know that I want to go where I go because I choose to go there, not because that’s where my boyfriend is headed. I love dating and love having a boyfriend, but I love my freedom so much more.
I can go out when I want, go where I want, see who I want and wear what I want. Sure, a bunch of you will say you do that even in a relationship, but we both know there’s that little voice in your head telling you that you can’t do as you please. We want to be with someone so badly, we invest our happiness into them, and then we wonder why our life sucks when they dump us. It’s because we depend on others to make us happy rather than trying to learn to make ourselves happy.
I spent the last year trying to find a boyfriend, trying to recreate what I had for those two and a half years. I met a lot of heartbreak; I hurt a lot of people, but most of all I started to lose myself. I wanted to have so badly what my best friends had, and to be able to be in love again. It wasn’t until one night that I sat and watched a couple fight at my work that I realized that’s not what I wanted. Society was telling me I needed a boyfriend to be happy, and that’s what I believed.
I stopped trying to date. I started doing whatever I wanted. I went out and partied, I flirted, and I stayed up late watching Disney movies and eating s’mores. All completely by myself. At first it sucked, but then I realized how there was no stress in my life. I was completely independent and I was in love with it. I actually started to hate texting boys. I wanted nothing to do with them. I just wanted to be me. And ladies, it’s fantastic. I’ve never felt more empowered or more determined to better my future than I do now.
Before you can ever be happy with a guy, you have to be happy with yourself. We want to have that Nicholas Spark love so much, we are willing to give up ourselves to achieve it. This doesn’t mean you should never date again. It means you should find yourself and your true happiness before you try to be someone else’s happiness. You will learn so much about yourself, and you will love yourself that much more. We are crazy, complicated, emotional creatures. But we are also wonderful and extremely smart. Discover who you are, then fall head over heels.