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Oddly Specific Red Flags To Look Out For in Guys

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Now, I want to preface this article by saying that I am fully aware that these are just opinions, so people can agree to disagree. Whether it be a guy, a girl, or anyone else for that matter, here are some super random, oddly specific red flags that my friends and I put together with the hope of maybe saving some of you from future romantic or relationship endeavors in general that fail miserably. Without further ado, let’s get into it!

If they say all water tastes the same: Something about the sheer disrespect to the elite waters out there makes my blood curdle. If they drink tap water and say it is just as good as Fiji or Smart Water…they are wrong. There is nothing else to say. I have been a connoisseur of water and I can confidently say that waters taste different. That is the cold hard truth. If they argue about that, it is a no-go.

When they compliment you on how young you look: It’s giving creepy. If they wanted a younger girl they shoulda said that. Something about the fact that me looking young somehow makes them happy is slightly unsettling.

When they say anything about the “fertile age” of women: In my and my friends’ experiences, a guy will literally start talking about how a woman’s early 20s is the prime age for her to have children. Now, I don’t know about y’all but that scares the living flabberjabbers out of me. I mean, I get that…biologically. However, this statement alone is stressing me out for no reason. Ladies, if a man ever says this to you, just remember: a heart attack is not worth having for this man and his idea of “fertility.”

If they hate that you have an Instagram or TikTok because they don’t like the concept of “social media”: Listen here buddy. If we did not want an Instagram or TikTok, we would never have downloaded it. It is bad enough that you can never send them memes or TikToks, but now they want to take away our one source of serotonin because THEY don’t like social media? Please leave, respectfully.

When you send them multiple texts/questions, but they only reply to one: I don’t know what it is about guys, but something in their brain tells them to ignore the boatload of important information you just sent them and respond with a simple and anticlimactic “ok.” I mean…c’mon. I just spent 30 minutes trying to construct the perfect text and all you say is “okay.” I say run. Run as fast as you can and NEVER look back.

When they try and impress you with their Sound Cloud: I have been there done that one too many times. They will bring their sound cloud up in the most random moments and then force you to listen to every one of their raps or remixes. From experience, 9/10 times, they sound awful. Don’t get me wrong, I am in full support of having a creative outlet. But, when I am stuck listening to the 56 versions of the same remix while you are trying to ask me which one I “vibe with” more, just know I am trying to cater a response that will get me out the door the quickest.

If they make it a point to remind you that boys are “biologically” stronger than girls: LiKE okAY??? I learned that information in the 5th grade. I understand that you are “built different” but what does that have to do with anything. Let me lift, let me do my own thing. I swear guys have nothing but the audacity to flex on the one category they feel more superior in. I said what I said.

When they immediately don’t trust your driving because they are under the impression that girls are bad drivers: When did we let them feel like this was an okay thing to think? And sure, I can understand that they have seen some pretty bad drivers that happened to be girls, but I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW, I can drive. You don’t see me going around saying “boys do not know how to drive,” even though I have met a few who actually REALLY don’t know how to drive.

When they own NO furniture or decor: POV: you walk into a musty apartment with a mattress on the floor, a foldable chair, no sheets, and approximately two bowls and two spoons for eating sometimes. You ask them “why don’t you have furniture?” and they say “what’s the point…this is all a man needs.” I’m sorry but at that point, you might as well also own a piss bucket for your urine. Enough said.

When they say face wash or any hygiene product is not for them: Sometimes they will even find it necessary to say that face wash or even hand soap is “gay.” I know. First off, I see no issue with that. Secondly, since when did avoiding acne and getting rid of germs become a sexuality thing. I just don’t know where this thought originates and where they find the nerve to audibly say it out loud. We would literally buy hand soap and face wash for them, and they would still refuse. Make it make sense.

I hope you all could relate to at least one of these red flags, and hopefully I am not alone in my opinions. Stay safe y’all and good luck!

I am a college student interested in Human Biology and Creative Writing. In my free time, I love writing poetry and I cover topics such as mental health, racism, global, and social justice issues! Being a writer for her campus inspires me to keep writing!
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