Something that I find myself most guilty of, and I’m sure a lot of women in our generation feel the same, is telling myself that I am not worthy. I don’t deserve to be in this friend group, this club, this school, because everyone else there belongs, and I don’t. I have thoughts like those on the daily, and it has taken me a long time to get to the point of recognizing that negative self-talk and changing the narrative. I am not in any position to diagnose, but I’m sure than many of us live with Imposter Syndrome and have no clue. It is tough and draining to never feel worthy. You start to feel like an outsider in your own world.
However, over time, I have learned to only fill my brain with things that are going to make me feel worthy. I only choose things that make me feel like ME, not this woman going through life thinking she’s just not quite as good as everyone else. What I have noticed is that the frequency of these thoughts correlates very closely with how often I am on social media. We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, and I decided it was time to put my foot down and talk nicely to my brain.
We see comments all the time, whether it be Tik Tok, Instagram or Twitter (mainly Tik Tok) that sound something like “Imagine just now hearing about this band and calling yourself a fan,” or “If you don’t remember this One Direction moment, you cannot call yourself a Harry stan.” Of course, naturally, the first place your brain goes is “They’re right. I don’t remember that and therefore I am not worthy of calling myself a Harry stan.” Most recently, it becomes a trend to shame others’ majors. Yes, making people feel shameful because you have more homework than them.
Our generation is so individualistic that we have this craving to be more unique than everyone else. I find that the most unique and special people are the ones that don’t need to shame others into thinking that they aren’t unique. Why are we gatekeeping normal personality traits? We have gone as far as gatekeeping entire personalities, such as being “quirky” or “basic” as if there are categories that we are supposed to mold into.
I am not saying that it isn’t natural to feel protective over something that you love. It kind of comes back to grade school – the irritation that comes with someone “copying” you. I’ve been guilty of it before. I have found myself making comments in my own head about others’ validity to enjoy something that I am passionate about. But why? If we truly love the things that we do, why wouldn’t we want to share that love and passion? Connect with others about that passion?
Of course we are going to like similar things – most of us grew up in the same time period, had a similar K-12 experience, and are now having the same college experience. But we are all SO vastly different, even if our passions are the same. For instance, I may have a slight obsession with Timothée Chalamet because boys with floppy brown hair are a weakness of mine. Maybe one of my friends loves Timmy because of his innate talent as an actor. We appreciate him for two different reasons, why should one be more worthy than the other?
The truth is – we are all trying to navigate this insane world, let’s try and do it together. Instead of spending so much time trying to be our own person and not like anyone else, maybe we should take time to recognize that we are all different and always will be. However, over time, as we improve our self-talk, it becomes comforting to know that you are similar to others. That means that you have someone in the world who you share something with – whether it be across the world or someone in your classroom. We all deserve to love the things that we love, and we are all worthy of feeling a specific way about something. As women, and people in general, we should celebrate each other.