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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

How to Cultivate an Abundance Mindset in Love & Relationships

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at KU chapter.

Whether you’re hung-up on your ex, stuck in an unsatisfying situationship, or trying to date on the apps, it is easy to fixate on the absence of romantic love in your life. Though it may not always feel like it, love is an abundant resource. The moment you start to think that love is scarce is the moment you become at risk of settling for less than you deserve.

An abundance mindset reaffirms the belief that there are more people to meet and to love who will want to understand and love you. This article will help you recognize the love you have in your life and remind you not to settle for less. 

Focus on familial and platonic love

Romantic love is unique, but the familial and platonic forms of love are just as beautiful and important. When you are in a season of singleness, embrace these other forms of love. Spend extra time with your parents, siblings, and cousins. Give your grandparents a call on the phone. Spend time with people who have seen you grow up and recognize how special you are.

Dedicate more energy to spending time with friends. Friends should be the people cheering you on and wanting the best for you. Prioritize checking in with them and making fun plans. Rather than thinking about men who’ve dulled your sparkle, spend time with friends who make you feel absolutely bejeweled. 

You’ve got a lot of love to give! Don’t bottle it up! Express your love to people who make you feel secure. 

Bring romance into your everyday life

Romance is defined as a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. You don’t have to be in a relationship for romance to be present in your life. Romantic gestures like expressing your love through a handwritten note or buying someone flowers are things you can do for friends or family. 

You can also make your life romantic by taking yourself on dates, spending time in nature, and practicing self-care. Romanticize your life by making the little things beautiful. Set warm lighting in your apartment, burn sweet candles, decorate with flowers and greenery. Create a life for yourself worth living and worth sharing. When you love your life alone, you’re less likely to settle for someone who threatens your peace. 

Keep your standards high, but see the good in people

When you keep your standards high, you should eventually be able to discern when someone is a good person and when someone is a good person for you. There is a difference. In my opinion, most people are good. But a lot of people won’t be good for you in a relationship. There may be differences in values, lifestyle, or interests that make a relationship difficult — things that have little to do with the goodness in their heart. But just because someone exemplifies an absence of evil does not mean you need to date them. 

When you’re single and dating, see the good in people. Recognize when someone has a quality that you like. But balance that equally with any incompatibilities you might see. Someone might make you laugh but have different life plans than you, and that is something you can’t change about a person. In that case, appreciate that person for who they are but move along. There is someone out there who will not make you compromise on the big stuff. 

Don’t settle for better

Just because your current situationship or boyfriend is better than your last does not mean that it is necessarily a good fit. Recognize the growth you’ve done to move out of an unfruitful relationship but don’t settle for someone because they’re better than the last guy if there are still major issues and incompatibilities. Once again, see the good in that person and appreciate the good times you have with them, but don’t be afraid that there isn’t someone better out there. 

Be open 

Give people a chance that you may not naturally gravitate toward. Don’t make assumptions about who someone is, let them show you who they are. Put yourself out there when you’re getting a coffee or out with friends. Make eye contact and start conversations with people. Focus on the good in the interactions you may have. 

Don’t lose hope

When things don’t work out with someone, it is okay to be disappointed and sad. Let it out. Recognize the reason you’re sad is because you saw the potential of what could be. Being disappointed means that you had hope. Don’t lose hope that someone great is out there for you. Because they are!

Zoe Brown is a member of the writing team at Her Campus at KU chapter. She is also the Co-Manager of the Her Campus KU Book Club. Zoe enjoys writing about dating and relationships, friendship, professional development, and books. Beyond Her Campus, Zoe is a second-year master's student getting her degree in urban planning. She is currently the planning intern for the City of Topeka. Zoe formerly worked as an intern in the Johnson County, KS planning department as well as the Missouri Housing Development Commission. She is the president of the Kansas Association of Planning Students. Zoe plans to graduate in May and intends to find a job as a city planner in the Midwest. In her free time, Zoe goes to yoga and plays in her recreational volleyball league. She enjoys cooking while listening to jazz and can often be found cuddled up, reading a murder mystery. She loves showing her friends around Lawrence, particularly to all her favorite local book stores.