Have you ever taken a step back and really examined your relationship? Or even those in the past? I am currently in a course discussing gender and communication, and in this course we have talked heavily about domestic violence. I have fortunately never experienced domestic violence, but a statistic taken from the Domestic Violence Resource Center says that 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence in their lifetime. 25 percent. That does not sit well with me.
As some of you may know, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. But what exactly is domestic violence? Before my course, I associated it strictly with physical abuse. While that is one extremely dangerous aspect of domestic violence, the signs aren’t always visible.
Has someone ever tried to control you? Asked, or forced to do something that you were not comfortable with? Given an ultimatum? Threatened?
Verbal and emotional abuse is unfortunately very present in some relationships. You may not be able to see it on the outside, but the hurt it does to a person’s esteem and self-worth is detrimental. A person may let some things slide because they think, “Well, he/she didn’t actually ‘touch’ me.” In that moment, is when the other person thinks it is okay to continue with their behavior.
So how can you tell if you are in a healthy relationship? With help of information from Lawrence’s very own Willow Domestic Violence Center, here are some differences between healthy vs. abusive relationships:
Healthy Relationships
- You are comfortable with one another. Each person feels safe and respected.
- Communication is used and both voices are heard.
- There is no controlling by either person. No one is trying to mold or change the other.
- “No” is respected and used without guilt or fear.
- Personal interests outside the relationship are supported and encouraged.
- You can spend time with friends and family outside of the relationship without jealousy.
Abusive Relationships:
- You don’t feel like you are always safe and given respect.
- Both voices aren’t heard and speaking out enables violence.
- Your partner wants to know where you’re at, who you’re with and what you’re doing at all times.
- You are forced to do things you don’t want to do, even if you say “no.”
- Your partner doesn’t want you to have your own interests and discourages them.
- Your partner is jealous of your relationships with friends and family and doesn’t want you to be in contact with them.
A local event supporting domestic violence awareness called, “Together Strong,” is going to be held at South Park in Lawrence, on Wednesday, Oct. 23, from 6-8 p.m. People of all ages are encouraged to come learn more about awareness and hear from survivors as they share their stories.
In so many ways we think, “Oh, this will never happen to me.” And I sincerely hope it never does. But being cautious and evaluating situations is a way to prevent an abusive relationship. Know the signs. Research. Protect yourself and others.
If you or someone you know has experienced any signs of an abusive relationship, there is help. What you see on the surface might look like the “perfect” relationship. But that isn’t always the case.