After almost a year and a half of being at college, I have come to the conclusion that drunk people are babies. The amount of similarities between an intoxicated college student and an infant is truly uncanny. It is everything from the way they act to the things they do. We all know there is always a “mom” of the friend group. She’s the mom because she is looking after all the babies! Here are all the reasons drunk people are babies: a thread.
They cry.
This is may be the most obvious comparison. Drunk people cry when they’re sad, cry when they don’t feel good, cry when they’re tired, and even cry when they’re so happy they start to give the “I love you guys SO much” speech. Not to get too technical, but there is research behind this. Alcohol affects the limbic system in our brains, which is responsible for the management of our emotions. Once alcohol tampers with this system, we are far more likely to cry, and potentially throw temper tantrums.
They whine.
Drunk people can be so damn fussy. While babies whine when they drop their toy or when they want to be held, drunk people whine when the bartender is taking too long to get to them. After a few drinks, the most ordinary, meaningless incident suddenly seems like the biggest annoyance you have ever endured. I have never experienced more whining than waiting in a long line for a bar bathroom… and I worked at a daycare one summer.
They fall down.
Drunk people fall down a lot. Except it’s not a cute “uh, oh” moment anymore. Once you’re intoxicated in a public setting, it’s more of an “oh shit.” Either way, both still happen a lot. General disclaimer: alcohol increases your pain tolerance so a serious injury could go unnoticed. Be safe :)
They are stubborn.
Similar to infants, drunk people pout when they don’t get their way. There are a numerous amount of instances that could send a happy drunk girl into stubborn mode. Some examples of this include: not liking their outfit, getting excluded from an uber, wanting to go to a different location, etc. Much like the young, underdeveloped mind of an adolescent, drunk people do not think rationally in these situations. Instead, they pout.
They can’t be left unattended.
You can’t leave a baby alone and you can’t leave a super drunk friend alone. These two things have far more in common than you’d think. Both a child and drunk friend could do things like wander into the street or talk to a scary stranger or do anything without considering the consequences. In terms of drunk college kids, it usually means making sure they don’t take that one extra tequila shot or text their ex.
All image credits: giphy.com