Maxwell may not have been my first love, or even a love at all, but we definitely had a rough break-up. It was afternoon recess in kindergarten and we were playing tag. I had to tie my shoe so Maxwell capitalized on the opportunity and grabbed me. I told him to let me go, but he refused. Taking matters into my own hands, I bit him. Of course, I was the one to get in trouble, which I still don’t believe is completely fair, but to make matters worse, his mom had volunteered to trace our classes’ bodies. She threatened to color my white-blonde hair blue. Needless to say, Maxwell and I went our separate ways and have never spoke again.
Sometimes after a break up, that’s for the best emotionally and for the sake of your hair color.
Other than kindergarteners, can you really stay friends with an ex, though? Probably not tomorrow. Usually not even in a month, but eventually. This may be the toughest thing for many to realize or accept since this ex didn’t use to be an ex at all, but rather someone that you cared deeply about and shared lots of time, moments and energy with. They were in your life constantly for however long you all dated. It’s hard to let go and pretend like you don’t care or don’t miss them, especially if the missing them isn’t in the sexual, relationship, I need you to love me kind of way. The hardest part is knowing that you can’t turn to them as a friend and rely on them or just laugh with them.
All relationships end for different reasons and in different ways. The break-up might just be because you are two mature adults that realize that you aren’t the best thing for each other, or it could be world war III. My sound advice that I give to all of my friends, only when they ask of course, but that very few actually can stick to including myself, is that the best thing for both parties of the break-up is space and zero communication. I always suggest a solid couple of months, which includes no drunk texting.
Separation is key to moving on. Seeing your ex just keeps him on your mind longer and that deters you from living your life and meeting other people of dating interest. You may not think that other people are knocking at your door trying to date you, but how will you know if your vision is clouded with your ex standing in the way. Feelings will always still be there with an ex lover, in a sense, and jealousy can ruin people; take a step back and allow the feelings to subside.
Everyone deals with relationships in their own way, though, but here’s what I believe: Exes should eventually be able to reach a healthy friendship. They do know you better than a lot of people, so they could be a good person to keep in your corner.
In the wise words of Taylor Swift, “What’s past is past.” Time to move on, but keep the peace. Who knows, maybe eventually you can add them back on the guest list to your future wedding, but just as a friend, of course.