There are many things I wish I had known before going to a school out-of-state. What will the weather be like? How hard are classes? Will I need a large winter jacket and snow boots? Well, if you are in the middle of Ohio, you are certainly going to need that big coat. In addition to all of these questions, I never bothered to ask about my social dilemma. Will I be able to keep in touch with my friends back home?
Most people find their friends instantly in school. However, there are going to be a few who float from friend group to friend group, with the hope that they find a place to fit in. Eventually, they will find a group of wonderful girls who become some of their closest friends. However, as time passes, friend groups can significantly expand. Shy people, like me at the time, may be nervous about “new” people invading their close-knit group. Regardless, those new friends will be welcomed in the group, and you may have to live with that. Eventually, as you grow to know them, they may become some of your best friends.
By senior year in high school, all of your friends are applying to college, some in-state and some out-of-state. While some friends may end up going to the same large state school, there are some who decide to attend smaller schools across the country. Distance does pose a challenge to maintaining friendships with those from high school. You will not see each other every day, you may not talk everyday; however, I encourage you to hold on to your high school friends. This is so that you have someone to talk to when you return home, and you can tell them about your crazy college adventures, such as how much you can’t stand that calculus class you took or how cute you thought that one guy you met at a party was.
Going your separate ways in college means you can make new friends and have new experiences. However, it is important that you do not lose contact with your friends back home. At the very least, aim to keep contact with a few of your closest friends. Try to talk at least every week; you and your old friends do not have to talk everyday in order stay friends throughout college. If you do, that may mean that the friendship is not bound to last. For example, my best friend back home and I barely have time to talk due to our insanely busy schedules. Yet, we always find time to quickly Snapchat each other ridiculous pictures of ourselves or tag each other in memes on Facebook. Real friendship is about sharing memories equally with one another. While you may not talk or see each other every day, you will not be able to forget the memories you made with that person. College allows you to experience even more memories with a new set of people. Although communication is key, friendship is based on the experiences you make with a person, not how often you talk to each other. You talk to many people. Does that make all of them your friend? No. Just because you talk to people does not mean that they are immediately going to be your lifelong friend. Some people will only have a small conversation with you and they will move on with their lives without you.
Sadly, talking to your friends back home every week is not realistic. You have classes to attend, food to eat, club activities, and most of all, you have a whole new set of friends to spend time with. Your college schedule may be too heavy in order to maintain constant contact with your friends back home. While you may talk to them often during your first couple of weeks at college, there is a point where you can no longer focus on your old friends and have to shift your focus to your life at college. This does not mean that you do not care about your old friends, you simply have to learn to focus your attention on what really matters, your college education.
The chance that you and some of your high school friends will drift apart is very likely. Unfortunately, I realized this too late when I had a falling out with a couple of friends back home and saw that they were hanging out with everyone from high school except me. The funny thing is, all of those people went to school in-state; I was all the way across the country. I did try to check up on them as much as I could, but I have to admit, college takes up a lot of your time. It turns out that I barely had enough time to take care of my own health and sleep deprivation. How do my friends back home expect me to make time out of my day for them too? Eventually, you will figure out a time and place to talk to your friends back home, and sometimes you may only be able to talk to them when you are in your hometown over breaks. Just because you and your high school friends don’t talk everyday does not mean that they don’t care about you, they probably don’t have any time to concentrate on previous friendships. Many new friendships are blossoming during the early years of college, and it is important to realize that some of your old friends will understand that and some will not. My main piece of advice for this is to not lose hope in a friendship, to savor it, and to never jump to conclusions when it seems like a friend does not talk to you every day. Friends are priceless, you have to earn their trust, not manipulate it. College friends, who you have only known for four months, may be better friends than your old squad back home. They support all of your decisions, are quick to forgive, and most importantly you all have gained each other’s complete trust. Trust, in my opinion, is the most important quality in a friendship. If you are not able to trust your “friend” 100 percent, then it is likely that he/she is not a genuine friend. Take the time in college to discover those who you know will have your back no matter what; those are the people who you will call your best friends. They don’t give up on you, they push you to do your absolute best, and most of all, they are family.
Image Credit: 1, 2,3, 4, 5, Annmarie Morrison