Before this summer, the hardest part about answering the question “Where are you from?” was deciding whether to say I was from Virginia or clarify by saying, “I’m from Northern Virginia, right outside of D.C.” I’ve lived in Northern Virginia my entire life, and in Alexandria, Virginia since I was seven years old. The D.C. area has always been my home. Sure, I love to complain about D.C. (the traffic, the endless talk of politics), but I also couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. And once I left home for the first time to come to Kenyon, I really started to appreciate my hometown. But this past summer, my mom decided to move to Kentucky, and my whole concept of home turned upside down.
Now, I have nothing against Kentucky. It’s where my grandparents live, and I have many fond memories of being there with my family. But when my well-intentioned friend said that I was now from Kentucky, I immediately recoiled. “I am not from Kentucky,” I replied, “I’m from Virginia.” Which is true, of course. I am still from Virginia—that’s where I grew up. And honestly, if that’s the place I associate with home, who is anyone else to tell me that the place I feel is home isn’t my home?
Technically, I still live in Virginia too, since my dad still lives there, but I’ve spend more time at my mom’s house. And I’m extremely close to my mom. I want the place where she lives to feel like home. Isn’t home where your family is? But I can’t deny that Alexandria certainly still feels more like home. It’s the place where I grew up, where my best friends from high school live, where many fond memories were made. And last year, when I struggled to adjust to the cold and the rural nature of Gambier, Ohio, I realized just how much I love Alexandria.
Recently, I’ve struggled with what “home” is supposed to mean. Is “home” a person, or is it a place? Is home where you grew up, or is it where your new house is? Is home where you go to college, where you spend most of your time? I don’t think there is one answer. Certainly, different people have different definitions of home. Many do not feel that the place they grew up is home, or even that their family defines where their home is. Some feel at home for the first time when they go to college, and some feel at home for the first time when they live on their own. Ideas of home change over time too. People move, create new ties in new places, and find new homes. And one can also have multiple homes. My home can be in Kentucky with my mom and brother, and it can also be in Virginia with my dad and my high school friends and my city.
The important thing, though, is to recognize people’s different ideas of home. If my friend feels that her home is Nashville, even though she might be originally from a different state, what right does anyone have to question it? And if I say that Virginia is still my home, even if my mom no longer lives there, I have every right to feel that way. Home is where you say it is, not where anyone else thinks it is.
Image Credit: Daniel Frank