As someone who has maintained a long distance relationship since the beginning of the school year, I’ve learned first hand that it is far from easy—college relationships are complicated enough without throwing a 500 mile separation into the mix. The good news is that with the right attitude and a little creativity, I firmly believe that long distance can be just as fulfilling and romantic as having someone at Kenyon. Read on for my top five tips on maintaining—and more importantly, enjoying—the dreaded long distance relationship.
1. Consistent (but not crazy) communication
This one sounds obvious, but the most important aspect of maintaining a long distance relationship is consistent communication. Even if it’s just exchanging a couple texts, it’s important to check in with your long distance bf/gf at least once a day. Talking on the phone at least every other day, and preferably every day, is also crucial—if you’re super busy, even a 5 minute conversation while you’re walking to class makes a huge difference.
On that note, don’t go overboard either. Skyping for three hours a day is a waste of time for both of you, not to mention it can lead to the dreaded hibernating couple syndrome (more on this later). Talking for about 20-30 minutes a day can be enough time to feel caught up and involved in each other’s lives, but not so long that it prevents you both from getting other things done.
2. Make super specific plans
No matter how much you love someone, it can be easy to run out of things to talk about when they’re no longer a part of your day-to-day reality. After covering “how are you?” “what’s new?” and “I found a really cool article about bacon soufflés” (maybe that’s just me), you start to hit a wall. Or worse, start repeating endless iterations of “I miss you” until you’re both really bummed out. Best solution? Plan every detail of their next visit!
And I’m talking really, really specific details. From your chosen breakfast spot through the evening activity—including what bagel-coffee combo you’ll order to what movie you’ll go to. Planning fun activities gives you something lighthearted and interesting to talk about, and also makes being apart an opportunity to bond and share something new (rather than just missing them). Also, don’t stress about actually following through. My boyfriend and I always joke that our plans fall under the “50% rule”—only half of the things we discuss, at best, will actually be accomplished.
So embrace the 50% rule! Google “central Ohio hotspots.” Make a joint list of the top restaurants you want to try in Columbus. Discuss the movie listings in Mount Vernon, etc. Have fun with your long distance bf/gf before they even visit (whether you actually end up leaving your dorm room or not).
3. Stay busy
As the old adage goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. While this can definitely heighten the romance—i.e long gooey Skype conversations about how much you miss each other—the last thing you want to deal with is a never-ending case of heartache. The most effective solution? Stay busy! Find a new activity that you’re really passionate about, and stick with it. If you spend your free time learning to make a pinch pot or joining the squash team, you’re far less likely to dwell on missing your bf/gf. Added bonus—it’s something new for the two of you to talk about (other than your super specific dining plans).
4. Get creative with gifts
Write each other letters (yes, through the mail). Send a handmade card with an inside joke. Buy a couple’s Groupon for an activity he/she likes (extra points if it’s for something you don’t). Creative, romantic gestures show you care and also make it a little more fun to be apart. Case in point—for Valentine’s Day my boyfriend sent me a handwritten letter that he had crumpled up and stained with coffee to make it look really old (an homage to my love of Jane Austen/old-timey letter writing). Needless to say, it was the best thing ever.
5. Don’t hibernate
This is crucial. Whatever you do, don’t become “that girl” who rarely goes out or makes time for friends because she’s so busy Skyping with her One True Love (See: approximately 50% of your freshman hall mates or 30% of the girls on your abroad program). Being in a relationship is wonderful, but prioritizing it over your life—your friends, your interests, even your academics—is not. Worst of all, it can lead to resentment. If your friends start pulling away because all your free time is spent on FaceTime, the ensuing FOMO might lead you to blame your significant other. Why is my boyfriend taking up so much of my time? Why can’t my girlfriend let me lead my own life?
But it doesn’t have to be that way! A good rule of thumb? Never turn down a “real life” social outing or extracurricular opportunity to talk to your boyfriend. Set healthy limits and make plenty of time for your friends, your hobbies, and your school work, and I promise your long distance relationship will be just as enjoyable as one with no distance at all.