I don’t want to sugarcoat any of this, so I’m going to dive right in.
Misogyny sucks, abusive relationships suck, and victim blaming sucks. I think those are three sentiments that most empathetic human beings can agree upon.
Combatting the normalization of these problematic behaviors is always important. In fact, lots of progressive college students work to deconstruct these patriarchal tendencies in everyday conversations with supportive peers. However, we’ve now reached a critical point, one at which we can no longer afford to combat misogynistic behaviors on a small scale. Donald Trump is The President of The United States, and misogyny is rampant. It’s easy to denounce his supporters’ abuse and victim blaming in an echo chamber. What’s more difficult, and more important, is embodying these vocalized feminist morals in our everyday behavior.
It is most crucial to call out our friends and peers for contributing to patriarchal social structures, especially when we know that our activism will be met with resistance or skepticism. For example, how many of you know somebody at Kenyon who claims to be a feminist, but engages in daily misogyny and victim blaming? Maybe this person refuses to believe the stories of survivors of sexual assault, or maybe this person cherishes a close bond with a person who has abused women. Although this internalized misogyny can be presented in a myriad of forms, it’s a disappointing reality that most of us have faced, in one way or another, during our time at Kenyon. It’s difficult to call out these people who appropriate feminist rhetoric to defend misogynistic behaviors. And the worst part? Most of us, including myself, have engaged in these behaviors at some point or another in their Kenyon careers.
So here is my call for action to you. There is no more time to sit on the sidelines. We live in far too precarious a social climate to let any misogynist slide idly by, especially those who are most difficult to combat. I’ve tried to explain this concept to people “nicely,” but I’ve found that they don’t listen unless you call them out directly.
Without dancing around anything, here is what I want you to realize: You are part of the problem. I am part of the problem. We are ALL part of the problem. Every time you ignore a survivor’s claims that your close friend violated them, you are perpetuating misogyny. Every time you witness degrading behavior towards non-cis-het-white males and pretend not to see, you are perpetuating misogyny. And every time you let ANY misogyny slide for the sake of keeping the peace, you are playing an integral role in upholding the patriarchy. If reading this article has made you want to change any of your behaviors, I have some suggestions for combatting the internalized misogyny that we all struggle to overcome. Acts of resistance that also show solidarity with those most affected by the patriarchy are crucial. Call out your male friends when you witness them engaging in misogynistic behaviors, and also offer support to the survivors of their harassment. Fight for a more equitable Title IX system that holds abusers accountable, and fight equally hard for better emotional support systems for survivors.
In other words, destroy the system while legitimizing the pain of those most affected by patriarchy and misogyny.
Of course, in the end, none of us are going to be perfect. That’s only human. But we MUST stop making excuses for ourselves when we inadvertently support the patriarchy by ignoring abusive behaviors. Now more than ever, we have to be willing to face our internalized misogyny head on. We must speak while we still have a voice.