A lot of us have probably been there, sworn off boys for the rest of eternity because our feelings were played with once again. I was there, sick of dealing with the heart ache that comes with “playing the field.” The search for a permanent companion can be tough, especially at an age where it seems like no one is emotionally on the same page. Like when you thought the guy that you were talking to wanted a long-term relationship, and he does, but only after a couple months or so of being strictly friends with benefits. This type of mentality that I was seeing by all of my potential suitors was extremely frustrating. So finally, I came to the conclusion that I was swearing off the entire male population.
Of course, just as I had come to this decision, my willpower was tested by another guy that I really believed would be the one. The one that would sweep me off my feet, shower me with love and eventually watch me walk down the aisle with a tear in his eye. Spoiler alert: He wasn’t, and I was back to square one. This time I was serious, no more dating, no more going through the infamous “talking” stage only to be left with months of wasted time. I was taking a break. I would not pursue any relationships until I figured out what was going wrong and what role I was playing in all of these failed relationships.
The first thing that I noticed from my new found “boy break” was that when you want nothing to do with guys, it seems they want everything to do with you. It was almost as if they had some type of power to sense when a girl was giving up on them, but I prevailed. No guys for me. After this period of what seemed like withdrawals from the constant drama surrounding my relationships with guys, I really began to learn more about myself and what I needed.
The thought that I shouldn’t and didn’t need another human being in order to be happy was something that hadn’t really crossed my mind before. I had always thought that I would be happy once I had found someone to be happy with. Putting your happiness as a responsibility for another person is unrealistic and quite frankly, selfish. You should be able to add to each other’s happiness and not be dependent upon them for it. After I had thought about this, I thought about my past relationships and realized that I had made this very mistake countless times. Until I was happy on my own, I had no business trying to be happy with someone else. Seeking out a relationship in my current mindset would almost ensure that it wouldn’t last.
I began to think more about why I was so drawn to guys that didn’t want anything that I wanted. Why would I spend so much time on something I knew in the back of my mind wouldn’t work out? For some reason I felt that any guy who said they had feelings for me would somehow mold into this guy that I wanted and needed him to be. Obviously this isn’t the case. I found that I was constantly romanticizing ordinary situations into ones that only happen in fairy tales and movies. I was living in some sort of alternate reality that had a happy ending in store for every possible relationship I’d seek out.
The biggest thing that I was able to take away from my “boy break” was that I was way more infatuated with the idea of love or having someone to love than any of the guys that I had tried having a relationship with. I needed to stop romanticizing them and look for someone who didn’t need to be romanticized to seem like a prince. I couldn’t force my own fairytale to happen, if it was going to happen it would on it’s own. Of course, these were only my faults that I had seen. I had dated some real jerks, but it wasn’t my place or responsibility to try and fix them. Maybe they were just in need of a “girl break” of their own.