There are so many angles and edges that you have to avoid after a break-up. One minute, you’re over-joyed to go out and flirt all night and the next, you’re going back and forth between what the moment that broke the relationship was. So I recently went through my first “real” break-up, and it’s been a ride! In particular, I’ve found that it’s done a lot more good than it has bad.
The Flirting Part
Of course, first, we have the flirting! I never in my life thought I would be a flirty person, but one pandemic and a bit more confidence later, here we are! There’s something so comforting about seeing someone for the first time, and if things go south, you’ll probably never see them again anyway. That has honestly been my one sole motivator in putting myself out there, so I say go for it if you’re on the fence! Who says you can’t make the first move? What’s stopping you from being your own happiness? I spent so many years waiting for people to lead me to my own emotions, and it really didn’t so anything for me until I started dating myself. Flirting with yourself is such an underrated idea! You’re your own ultimate soulmate, and calling yourself beautiful is just as poetic as anyone else doing it.
Time is All Yours
It was so hard for me to comprehend how much time I was lacking on myself until I didn’t have a designated person to do things with. Suddenly, I had every opportunity to paint my nails for myself, go get food by myself or with some friends or just lay in bed for hours and enjoy the time I had with myself. I even redecorated my living area and bedroom just to feel a bit more positive change, which was an underrated game-changer! I think it’s hard to realize when you’re lacking that personal connection or desire to grow in other directions until you no longer have a person that isn’t doing that with you.
Baggage, or Lack thereof
I spent so much time debating if I should include my partner in events until I would allow myself to participate. Why did I do that? That’s such an unhealthy mindset to adjust to as well. And it wasn’t all their fault either. This was a flaw I built-in partially on myself and I want to make that very clear. Relationships can change you in either direction, and mine just so happened to be a more negative one. I have a ton of other baggage with myself that I need to work on, and they were the same way. I don’t want to throw all the parts of us that didn’t work on them, because I am far from a perfect person, but I think this was also my first experience seeing a relationship work more on one side than the other. Yes, it’s important to recognize and work on your relationship with yourself. However, you’re also taking on another person’s emotions and wants in mind as well, and there can be a lot of responsibility in that. That’s another really wonderful part about the aftermath of the relationship: you get that hindsight 20/20 vision.
Hindsight 20/20
There were so many points I knew didn’t feel right. I knew we were done a month before we called it, and I still didn’t have the heart to end it. The way they ended it was really crappy, and I won’t do them that dirty here, but let’s just say it wasn’t the best break-up. However, I’m grateful they ended it because I don’t think I ever would have until I truly had to. That’s not to say it didn’t hurt; I’m a crier. And I don’t want to discuss my personal circumstance too heavily, but my goodness does that clarity hit like a ton of bricks! I remember I woke up the morning after feeling like a new woman. I got out of bed, sang in the shower, made myself the best damn cup of coffee and continued on with my life and my success story because it didn’t end in their hands.
The “Next Great Thing”
I want to be very clear, this is not just simply the next person. You can very well be your own next great thing. You will have so many opportunities and new people that you are going to meet and fall head over heels in love with. This person can be you, the true love you saw for five seconds at a coffee shop or simply the dog you passed on your walk home. Love is not a linear line. It will bend so many times. You will get so tied up in all the wrong parts, and it may suck for a while, but the great thing about the best and worst parts of your life is that they will end. I applied for at least a dozen jobs within the week after I got (brutally) dumped. I started getting up the courage to introduce myself and talk to people. I applied for and got a position I only ever dreamed of for goodness sake. You partner should make you feel like this, and if they’re not, they’re not truly on your team.
In case no one has reminded you today, you deserve a life that makes you happy to think about. If your future, whether it’s a person or not, isn’t giving you a positive mentality, maybe it’s not meant to be. Do what feels best in your bones, and please embrace the perks of a break-up!