Have you been feeling particularly lonely lately? Have you found yourself listening to sad songs alone in your room? Have you watched a Hallmark Christmas movie and thought, “Wow, I just want to move from the hustle and bustle of the city back to my quaint hometown and find the person of my dreams who works at a competing Christmas tree lot?” Well, you’re not alone. You may be struggling with the dreaded symptoms of “cuffing season.”
The relatively new term, “cuffing season,” refers to the time generally from October to March during which singles find themselves wanting to find a short-term partner to brace the cold winter weather with. Recently, I found myself in a situation where I began to stress about this supposed timeline associated with cuffing season. So, why now and how does it impact the normal college-aged individual?
Part of it is biological, according to social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller. During the winter months, our levels of testosterone increase while our levels of serotonin decrease causing a whirlwind of emotions. Socializing is also more difficult, according to Psychology Today, as the light of day is shorter and as the cold weather forces us to stay inside. The most intriguing of all the reasons to me, though, is the economic and social pressure this time of year particularly places on us. Whether it’s the commercials and movies that focus solely on relationships, or family members asking the question of, “Are you seeing anyone?” There are signs all around us communicating the idea of coupling up. In fact, I find myself seeing many more signs that tell us that if we are feeling sad, a relationship would solve that. Think of the most basic plot of a Hallmark Christmas movie: a girl is single/recently dumped, meets a guy who she generally dislikes at first or has some kind of conflict with, but they still end up happily together by the end. I’m struggling to think of an example of which the movie ends with the protagonist happily single. Watching these movies is good and fun until the credits roll and you realize you cannot relate to their happy ending.
While investigating the reasons we are impacted by the culture of cuffing season, I decided to take to Instagram for a simple poll. I asked my followers, “Are you stressed by cuffing season?” with options of “sometimes” and “never.” The individuals who voted are mostly high school and college-aged individuals. Across two polls with the same question, the results came in at 48% “sometimes” and 52% “never.” So, nearly half of these people have experienced some type of stress due to cuffing season. I also allowed anyone to message me with any thoughts on how cuffing season may have impacted them. One individual who voted “never” explained that as they have been single every winter, they are not particularly stressed by the idea of cuffing season. Another who voted “never” elaborated by saying their feelings towards the season were somewhat dependent on whether or not their friends were in relationships. There is a certain pressure when it seems as though you are the only single person within a group of friends. Many seem to associate the idea of cuffing season with Instagram and social media in general; that any lonely feelings often stem from seeing posts of people in relationships. I believe this serves as an even deeper look into how social media can impact our mental health, with the fear of missing out growing as you scroll through dozens of pictures of your friends having fun or appearing happy.
Another comment came from someone who voted “sometimes” and emphasized the pressure there is to bring someone home to your family, or at least to say that you are seeing someone when the inevitable question arises. I, along with my friend Megan Carmen, have written about the pressure family can have on you to be coupled up, and how to deal with these normally awkward questions (read “Responding to the ‘How’s College’ Questions” and “3 Simple Words That’ll Surely Cut The Dreaded ‘Are You Still Single?’ Convo Short This Thanksgiving- Because Yes Grandma, I AM”). The culture of cuffing is not a brand-new concept; it is essentially modern-day courting. Other people will always have something to say about our dating lives, whether we are moving “too slow” or “too fast.” Family can be difficult to navigate, though, as it becomes easy to compare yourself to where your family members are in their lives. There is so much societal pressure to bring someone home for the holidays that there are several movies about it.
The concept of “cuffing season” may sound a bit outrageous at first, but with the change of weather, our changing hormone levels and societal/economic pressure, I think we all can understand why it can have an impact on our emotions. So, as you continue navigating cuffing season this year, remember that you are not alone in your feelings. If you want to pursue that winter relationship and flaunt it all over Instagram, be my guest (wishing you the best of luck)! And if you want to watch Hallmark Christmas movies and bask in the doom and gloom of cuffing season, I don’t blame you. Good luck out there and happy cuffing season!