The spring semester is quickly coming to a close, and yet I find myself reminiscing on the past. Losing friends during college is an inevitable experience. Maintaining high school friendships when you’re miles apart can be incredibly difficult. Trying to foster new friendships and grow as a person often leaves your old friends feeling left out of the picture. This is all completely normal. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. While growing up, I had a pretty solid group of friends. I dealt with a lot of arguments, too much turmoil and more drama than most over the years, but my friendships always remained set in stone. They were solid. We were solid. Until one day, we weren’t.
I can’t pinpoint the exact time it happened, the day something shifted. For years, I’ve had a close friend, a best friend even, who we’ll call Melanie. Our relationship was always a bit rocky. We’re both argumentative, strong-willed and incredibly passionate people. We both enjoy getting our way. So when you have a friendship like that, with two people who can never admit when they’re wrong, the fights are brutal. But there was also a lot of love there. We had a history, and we cared about each other. For most of my life, I thought that that was enough.
Melanie was there for me through a lot. She had been a constant in my life for so long, that even when we were fighting, I knew she would always be there. To be honest, we weren’t great for each other. But we had been close for so long, ending a friendship like that seemed almost impossible. For the majority of our senior year of high school, things were pretty tumultuous. We fought often, and I’d hear whispers of gossip from my other friends that Melanie had been saying some pretty mean things about me. But I kept my head held high, and maintained our friendship well into the summer.
Then, she skipped my graduation party. While this is not necessarily the biggest deal in the world, it hurt a lot that someone who had been in my life since kindergarten would choose work over celebrating with me. But I, once again, swallowed my pride and kept contact going. Things got progressively worse when she began feuding with another one of my close friends, and I ultimately took that person’s side. Our friendship quickly fell apart, and years of built up resentment began to bubble to the surface. The fallout was impossible to ignore. So we stopped being friends. We were civilized during the beginning of the fall semester, but by winter break we hadn’t spoken in months.
Losing that friendship was one of the most hurtful experiences I have ever had to go through. I knew that friendships were bound to implode, but not ours. I genuinely believed that, in spite of everything, we were one of those pairs of friends who, years after graduation, would maintain being close. Being there for each other through all of the pitfalls of life. I guess in the back of my mind, I wasn’t shocked. She was not always a good friend, and neither was I. We weren’t similar in many ways aside from our negative qualities, but I guess that was what kept us bonded for so long.
It’s been a year since things changed between us. And while I have accepted that we won’t be friends again, especially not close in the way that we used to be, I still am incredibly appreciative of my friendship with her. We grew up together. No amount of time apart can change that. She has supported me at my worst, and seen me through my best. She was there for me the entirety of my childhood, and the memories we have will never not be special to me. While I wish that things had turned out differently, I don’t hold any regrets or resentment towards her. And that is how I know I’m finally at peace with the situation.
Losing a friend hurts, regardless of at what age that loss happens. It is more than okay to let yourself feel the pain it can cause. But moving on from a friendship can sometimes be exactly what you need to grow up. Moving on is okay. Letting go is valid, and saying goodbye can be beautiful. I am a firm believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason, and the philosophy that people come into your life when they are needed. When that person and your story is complete, that does not mean it wasn’t worth the journey you went through to end up where you are now.