“Did anyone from your childhood shape your current identity?” This question has been asked to me in the past and it has been on my mind quite a lot recently. It is not a simple question to answer because I had multiple people influence me and make me the woman I am today. My family has given me some of the personality traits I inhabit now, and I consider them to be the biggest contributors to my sense of self. Â
I can confidently say that my mom was and is one of the biggest influences in my life. The amount of love she has for me was very evident since my childhood. She always put her family first over everything, even if it wasn’t in her own best interest.
I have my mom to thank for my confidence and my perseverance. I would watch my mom work day and night for us growing up, whether that meant packing our lunches for school or making money to provide for us. It was her drive to push towards her goals that I believe made me such a hard-working student today. How could I not work hard, when I saw my mom working from home being her own boss and being so successful? Â
When my mom and I argue or I’m away from her for too long, my entire mood will be affected. My anxiety will begin to increase, and my mom is usually one of the only people who knows how to make me feel better. I’ve had anxiety since I was seven years old, and my mom was right there during every meltdown. Her presence is a comforting one and her hold on me is very strong. Â
I think out of anyone in my family I have the most in common with my dad, and I am eternally grateful for that. I have always been compared to him in looks, likes and dislikes and actions. Even though we butt heads sometimes due to our similarities in how we argue, we always make up shortly after. I got my creativity, my want to try new things and my ability to let my emotions show from him. He is an artist, so I would watch him time and time again when I was little, amazed by his talents and wishing I could be as gifted. I could always lean on him for help with a school project or advice on any given topic. Â
My dad typically wears his heart on his sleeve, which is not the case for the majority of my family. He is the reason I believe it is okay to allow yourself grace and time to cry because it’s okay to not be perfect and content all the time. The downside of this, however, is now I am almost too emotional sometimes and I apologize for way too much. I do not want to necessarily blame my father for this, but he is very in tune with his emotions and certainly does not steer me away from being controlled by them. Â
My older brother Braeden was one of the many reasons my childhood was so great. He gives me so much happiness, and I could never ask for a better brother. When I was born, I knew it must have been hard on Braeden, as he had been an only child for four years and knew nothing else. It is normal for children to want all of their parent’s attention and often feel threatened when a new addition to the family is thrown into the mix. Braeden, however, greeted me with open arms as I made my entrance to the world and acted like a picture-perfect older brother. Â
Watching family videos of my brother trying to cheer me up when I was sad or show me things just to make me laugh, I just know he is where I get my humor and childlike tendencies from. He made me the funny person I am today, and he is one of the main reasons I find humor in even the darkest things in life. I would like to thank him for showing me that being silly is one of life’s many joys, but also scold him for using that as a way to stay childish for so long.
Being funny and having a laugh every now and then is completely okay, but my brother does not like seriousness and just wants to laugh everything off which isn’t exactly a good thing. He is my laughter, but also the reason why I think I have held on to my childhood for so long. He is the reason I am afraid to let go of certain things. Â
Due to Braeden being happy-go-lucky all the time, whenever he isn’t, I know something is off and all I want to do is comfort him. He worries me just as much as anyone in my family because he is constantly trying to make others laugh, even if it isn’t the time. I cannot be happy if the person who taught me to be happy is not. Â
Growing up, visiting my cousins Abby, Alaina and Quinn was a blast every time. The three of these goofballs shaped my childhood and who I am today so heavily because a lot of my core memories as a young girl involved them. When I think of childhood, I can see Abby’s curly brown locks, Quinn’s bright smile while playing video games and I can hear Alaina’s crazy laugh when she had done something she wasn’t supposed to. Without even knowing it, they brought so much life into my younger years and made them memorable. Â
I truly think Abby is the reason I have been able to form long-lasting friendships, Alaina is the reason I am bubbly and a bit of a people pleaser and Quinn is the reason I can connect so well with boys. Abby was my best friend growing up and I could always count on her to confide in. Alaina is so much like me in ways we can’t even fathom, and it is so comforting knowing I have her. Quinn made me want to keep having fun and feel included, which I will be forever thankful for. Â
My grandmother, or my Mamaw as we call her, was and is one of my favorite people. My family can all vouch for me when I say I had the strongest connection with my Mamaw and would never, ever want to be parted from her. I think it has to do with how she would take care of me like her own daughter and care for me so much. She lived two hours away in West Virginia and still does, so when I was younger, we would visit her quite frequently. However, with every hello, there’s a sad goodbye, and I had the most difficult time leaving my Mamaw. Â
I think my Mamaw gave me my selflessness and my care for others. I have a hard putting myself first, even if it’s needed, and I constantly worry about others, which is exactly what my grandma does. It’s a good trait to have but can also hold you back from being truly happy and healthy, which is think is sadly one of my grandma’s biggest issues. As much as I admire her for that, it’s also one of her handicaps, and I think I have been passed down that trait from her. Â
To summarize, I love and adore my family with my entire heart, I believe they have made me the young woman I am today and I will be forever indebted to them for making my childhood so special. Although some of their traits have perhaps caused me a bit of turmoil through the years, they stuck by me and have buried themselves deep inside my heart through every high and low.