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10 Hilarious Quotes from Tiffany Haddish that Describes Your Life

Lately, comedian Tiffany Haddish has been on everyone’s radar. The breakout star of Girls Trip did not receive an Oscar nomination, but she still managed to steal the show with the stunning Eritrean dress she wore on the red carpet to honor her father’s heritage. That same night, she gave us a lesson in frugality by wearing the same Alexander McQueen dress she wore while hosting Saturday Night Live. Haddish’s thriftiness is one of the many ways she’s just like us. Here’s 10 times she hilariously described our life in her own words. 

 

1. When you don’t feel like going to work,  but you know you need the money.

“My body is like, ‘Go to sleep!’  But my mind is like, ‘No, we gotta get this money.’”

 

2.  When you try to block out negative thoughts and stay positive.

“Sometimes I do be feeling like, ‘Aww man, I don’t think this is gonna happen,’ or, ‘I’m about to fail’ and then my mind is like, ‘Unh-uh, you not allowed to think like that. Take that out of your mind.'”

 

3.  When your biology lab partner misses a day of class, and you have to explain your notes.“Everybody starts out as female. All humans start out as female and then the chromosome kicks in and yo coochie fall out. That’s why men have nipples.”

 

4.  When you think about getting revenge on your ex.

“I boo-booed in his shoes because he was putting me through a lot of dookie, so I decided he needed to walk in it.”

 

5.  When your friend tries to convince you that anal sex isn’t that bad.

“Girl, you can’t get no infection in your booty hole. It’s a booty hole.”

 

6.  When you explain to your mother why you’re not having kids.

“You know, because women be peeing themselves after they have babies.”

 

7. When a guy asks you why you wear black leggings every week.

“I feel like I should be able to wear what I want, when I want, however, many times I want. As long as I Febreeze it.”

 

8.  When your aunt tries to give you advice about finding a boyfriend.

“You know, Groupon had speed dating six or seven months ago, so hopefully they bring that back.”

 

9.  When you’re always tired but continue to be productive.

“It’s like I’m taking a nap but doing a lot of stuff at the same. That’s what my life has been like last year. I’m sleep, but I’m woke.”

 

10.  When you’d rather be homeless than live on campus.

“I’d rather sleep in my Geo Metro in the cold, than sleep in a bunk bed because bad things happen in bunk beds.”

 

 

Jillian Holness is a senior magazine journalism major. She enjoys buying too many lipsticks, thinking about brunch and daydreaming about staring in one of Rihanna's music videos.
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