I’ll be honest, the future scares me a little. I’m about to enter my last year of college, I’m applying for internships and thinking about what happens after graduation, etc. And I can’t help but think about all of those “what ifs” or all of the possible ways my life could go. I’m sure that a lot of you can relate to those feelings and the back-and-forth that comes with them. But, if you’re not there yet, maybe sharing what I’m feeling now will help you later.
I feel like life is a rollercoaster full of ups, downs, twists, turns, trial and error. I’ll be honest, though, I’ve never felt as though I had so many possible life routes or so much uncertainty before. I’m a pretty serious person. I’ve known what I wanted to do with my life since I was little. My goals have never really changed. I’m an English Education major because I want to be a guide and inspiration to my future students. I don’t want anyone to ever feel incapable of achieving their dreams, whatever they are, and teachers are in a perfect position to help those that may feel that way. However, now I’m in my last Professional Writing class for my minor — advanced screenwriting. I’m not the best at it, but I definitely feel like that’s something I could do well in the future. Writing has always been my outlet and my first love. I could reach that same goal with students, with readers or an audience. Throughout my college experience, though, I’ve also been writing these articles, and learning about editing (and guiding others’ writing process) through my on-campus job.
I’ve enjoyed all of the experiences I’ve had and they’ve definitely helped me figure out what I’m good at. But it’s also confused me. I was so sure of myself before and what I wanted to do with my life. I have so many more options now, and it’s kind of scary. Of course, I could set out to have two jobs when I graduate — writing and teaching; editing and teaching. That’s the solution that’s stuck in my head so far. I could always have a main job and a supporting one, like writing/editing and substitute teaching. But how do I set myself up to do that? Would it even work? I’m not sure. I’m in the process of working that out, which is okay because I have time. I plan on getting my Masters in Professional Writing. That will give me more time to try things out and gather real-world experience. I don’t know. Something about my future just worries me a little. And it doesn’t help that I’ve started getting “no’s” from employers (internships) already.
I know I still have time to figure everything out. I know I’ll end up where I need to be and where I’m needed. But with everything going on in the world right now, especially in the world of Education, I feel pressured to figure it out now. If I’m being honest, I’ve been questioning teaching for the first time in my life, because of certain possible restrictions and moral conflicts that I have. I really do want to make a difference in people’s lives through education, but I may not be able to do it as freely, expressively, or loudly as I initially intended to. Through writing, those restrictions may be less limiting. I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually. That’s just where my head is right now.
I know this was a bit more long-winded than my previous articles. I felt like I needed to say all of that to be able to say: it’s okay to not know what you want to do, or where you want to be. It’s okay to have a bit of doubt, and get told “no.” I’m learning to give myself a little grace when it comes to things like this. I hope y’all do too. The future is close and it is scary. But it’s worth it and everything will be okay in the end — at least, I hope so anyway.